They share my passion.

There are many characteristics I hope to pass to my children. Confidence, enthusiasm, morals, zest, work ethic, devotion, honesty, determination, sincerity, hope, desire, strength, trust, faith, courage, happiness, completeness, emotion, quality, goals, contentment, obedience, respect. But without passion, there's no drive. And with no drive, there's no success to accomplishing the above.

I possess & express passion. My children witness my passion & for me to witness theirs is a dream come true.

It's who I am.

It's what I do.

It's how I live.

Adoring the Passion.

My husband has just returned safely from Hungary. Earrings tomorrow.

Live brightly! ♥

Remembering 9.11.01. Moments.

I love our town. We've lived here 13 years & it continues to grow by leaps & bounds. Currently, it's one of the most sought after places to live in the US. We moved here only because of location & as long as I live in Texas, I hope to stay here. Yesterday, we drove by the Town Hall & discovered a beautiful tribute to those lost on that horrific, undeserving day. I'm proud to live in this town. ♥







This, below, broke my already broken heart.





I was home that morning, feeding our 5 month his bottle. Everything after that is a blur, other than my mother phoning. She was panicking. I offered to bring her office a television so they would have access to the footage. She declined. And as the rest of the world did, I watched the footage throughout the day, keeping my husband updated. I know so many of us went to bed that night & laid in silence. Praying.





And to this day, we continue to pray. Living life, just a little fuller. Tomorrow is not a promise, it's a gift.

May God continue to bless those & their families affected by such a horrendous, selfish act.

For my children. My life, my world, my loves.

Ten years ago, when my first 5 lb. 13 oz. baby was born & placed in my arms by one of the most selfless women I've ever met, I vowed that this song would forever be dedicated to them, my children. The lyrics are actually printed & placed in Bentley's baby book. This song makes me cry & this song brings me to my knees. This song is exactly what my children do for me.



I am so grateful for my children, I am so grateful to God for allowing me the privilege of being their mom. There are no words to let them know just how much I adore them & I hope this song will remain in their hearts, forever.

My children - have I told you lately that I love you? No matter where life takes you or what challenges you encounter or the mistakes you will make. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are strong. You make me: think, cry, smile, melt, frustrated, laugh, angry, hurt, focus, determined & proud. You make me strive to be more, to push on & go further. My prayer is that I do the very same for you. The fun & love we share is immeasurable, true & pure. You make me a better person, you inspire me & you complete me. And I thank you so much. I love you. For eternity. ♥

Define: Homemaker.

home·mak·ernoun /ˈhōmˌmākər/ 

homemakers, plural



1.A person, esp. a housewife, who manages a home.



Web definitions:

housewife: a wife who manages a household while her husband earns the family income.

wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn



(homemaking) the management of a household.

wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn



A homemaker handles household responsibilities as his or her main daily activity. While not a paid occupation in the traditional sense, as it is not usually undertaken for monetary remuneration, a homemaker may work full-time to maintain the home environment....

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homemaker



(Homemakers (magazine)) Homemakers is a Canadian magazine that covers women's lifestyles, published nine times a year. It offers recipes and articles on food, health, style, home and living.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homemakers_(magazine)



(Homemaking) Housewife is a term used to describe a married female who is not employed outside of the home. Merriam Webster describes a housewife as a married woman who is in charge of her household. ...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homemaking



(homemaking) One of three areas of emphasis in the Relief Society of the Church.

www.lightplanet.com/mormons/daily/vocabulary_eom.htm



Occupation often listed on campaign finance reports for wives of major contributors who give through their spouses (and other family members) as a legal way of getting around individual contribution limits.

www.uta.fi/FAST/GC/cfinglos.html



An individual who has the skills and abilities to maintain a home and actively functions in that capacity as a result of substantial Vocational Rehabilitation service provision to improve the individual’s homemaking abilities....

info.dhhs.state.nc.us/olm/manuals/dsb/VR/man/Definitions.htm



General term referring to a variety of non-skilled at-home services which may include some minor hands on care such as assistance with dressing and personal care, but also includes shopping, meal preparation, laundry services, housekeeping and similar activities....

www.deha.org/Glossary/GlossaryH.htm



A person who assists in the home with homemaking activities such as preparing meals, cleaning, laundry, shopping.

www.caregivers.utah.gov/glossary.htm



A trained personnel working under agency supervision. Activities are limited to shopping, menu planning, meal preparation, light housekeeping, and laundry for the client.

www.esmv.org/caregiversglossary.asp



Trained homemakers offer light housekeeping, grocery shopping, errands, laundry, and simple personal care.

www.thehomecarecouncil.org/displaycommon.cfm



means a person who performs household chores that include housekeeping, meal planning and preparation, shopping assistance, and routine household activities for an elderly, handicapped, or convalescent individual. A homemaker is non-medical.

www.justcheckinginmom.com/index.php



*********************



I registered my children for school today. I noticed the online form(s) had my job description already filled in. 'Homemaker', the form(s) stated, is what I do. Homemaker. I have always disliked the word. As I stared at the prefilled form(s), I realized today that I actually detest the word. Homemaker. Just a Homemaker. Too damn stupid to check the 'Homemaker' box myself, so they (whomever they are) did it for me. Yet smart enough to fill out the remainder of the form(s). Also on the form(s) were our phone numbers, which were also prefilled. Note this: my husband's cell phone number was listed first. Then, our home phone. Third, my cell phone. Now wait a minute. My husband works outside the home. I'm just a 'Homemaker'. Yet he's listed first? Does that make any sense? Could it be because on paper, he looks a little smarter than I? Or is it because they just didn't pay that much attention when filling out the form(s) & typed in the numbers in no particular order? I wonder if my job had been, oh, 'Account Executive', would my number had been listed first? For what it's worth, I transposed the order.



I do more than manage a home. I have four little people God entrusted me to raise. What they know is what they learn from me. I'm not a home manager. That comes automatically with the blessing of a family. Therefore, instead of managing a home, I build people. Character. Including honesty, beauty, emotion, personalities, morals, ethics, happiness, contentment, hearts full of love. In addition to - the knowledge I have in finances is commendable. The responsibility & dedication I demonstrate daily is unmatchable. My determination & perseverance cannot be outdone. I'm more than a maid. I'm more than a cook. I do more than grocery shop & clean toilets. I'm also a person. A person whose label and/or title should be listed first, not last. I don't get paid monetarily, though I should. My hours are long. The sick pay sucks. The vacation time certainly is no vacation. There is no overtime. Very few breaks. Rarely a lunch break. No getting off at 5:00. No nice dinners & no Christmas parties. No insurance, dental or vision coverage.



Did you read the degrading italized paragraph? "General term referring to a variety of non-skilled at-home services which may include some minor hands on care such as assistance with dressing and personal care, but also includes shopping, meal preparation, laundry services, housekeeping and similar activities...."



"Non-skilled". Really? Non-skilled? I beg to differ. It is a true talent & takes great skill to work from home, raising a family. My occupation description is lengthy & detailed. And if I screw up (& I do), I have some little people who I disappoint. That's not an easy load to carry. It's tough one.



There has to be a better term. I know there is. A term that we, as devoted wives & mothers, would be proud & honored to accept. A term that builds us up, defines as us as strong, intelligent, gifted women, equally as important as other occupations/titles that work outside the home. A term that makes us proud to x that box.



So please don't call me a "Homemaker". I take my occupation seriously. Though I reap amazing benefits & wouldn't trade my daily occupation for the world, I don't make a home. I build life. A beautiful, challenging, difficult at times, life. I'm a Lifebuilder, not a Homemaker. Let's put an x by that.

How God works.

Wow! I haven't blogged in quite some time. So much going on here, but something incredible happened a few days ago & I've decided to share.

First let me say, if you don't believe in God, if you don't believe in Jesus, you are missing out. There is no abundant life without Jesus. We are nothing without Jesus. You are not living a full, happy, content, blessed life without Jesus. I didn't get to know Jesus until later in life. I was 30 years old when I realized my life was spiraling out of control (mainly due to my childhood), knew that there was something I was missing & that I needed help, & made the decision to accept Jesus into my heart. The ultimate, most important decision I will ever make in my lifetime.

All that to say, even though I was surrounded by Christians, not one single person ever told me about Jesus or attempted to help me. I'm not placing blame on them because at any given time, I could have popped my tush into a church & found out about Jesus on my own. But I didn't. If you find yourself in a similar situation, please let me help you (email below). I don't care who you are, I don't care if I don't know you. Jesus does know you & I'll do my best to point you in the right direction so you too can learn about Jesus & live a worthwhile life He has designed just for you.

lipstickbliss@gmail.com

Now don't worry, I'm not turning into some maniac Bible thumper. Ü But I do love Jesus, I look around & see all that He has done for me/given me/continues to do for me & I just have no desire to stay silent. I am so thankful.

Last week, I made a post on Facebook about how I lost a very dear friend due to an unfortunate misunderstanding. I learned a very valuable lesson after losing that friendship & I was just encouraging others to examine & let others explain before making the difficult decision to end a relationship.

This friend that I speak of I have not seen in 2 1/2 years. I hoped that one day our paths would cross again but even if that didn't happen, I would always love her just the same. My husband & myself were recently made aware that her husband was battling cancer. My husband & myself have been praying like crazy for him & his family.

Fast forward to last Sunday. We attended church & decided to hop over to one of favorite mexican food restaurants to grab lunch. As we were eating & chatting, you'll never believe who walked up to our table to say hello. Enter goosebumps & a loud OH MY GOSH!!! here. Yes it was my friend, her husband & their kids. We chatted for a few minutes before they went on to their table for lunch.

Below, will give you an example of just how God works. My husband & I had nothing to do with it - we did what we felt in our hearts at the time for a family we love dearly, but now know God had the entire reconnection orchestrated. This is an entry Brant (who is one of the most amazing, hilarious, completely selfless, always 'glass half full', we-can-learn-from-him Christian I have ever met) posted on his CaringBridge journal.

********************

Good evening!

Feeling well today and now in a holding pattern. Everything seems to be in place to start chemo and radiation at the early part of next week. Despite my internal desire to get things going, God has chosen to slow me down.

I wanted to share something that happened last Sunday after church that reinforced how remarkable God continues to provide for us through wonderful people like all of you who share your encouraging words on the website.

After church, our family stopped by one of our favorite Mexican restaurants, Frescos, for lunch. Upon entry, we ran into some old friends of ours, Mason and Melissa. I don't think we had seen each other in nearly three years, so it was good to see them and see how their kids had grown. They had heard about the cancer and were already praying, much like many of you. We talked for about 10 minutes and then left each other promising to keep in touch.

As we settled into our booth, I leaned over to the kids before the waiter came and declared that we would all be drinking water today.

Over the past week, Starr and I had discussed how cancer would affect us financially. We have very good health insurance, but even with 90% being paid, I have known enough cancer patients to know that even with great coverage, the bills stack up.

So I implemented one of my first cost cutting measures. If we all drink water we'll save a little green and that will be the beginning of my slush fund for medical bills.

After gaining buy in and closing them on the deal like a good sales person, I decided to see if I could go for more.

"Gabe what would you like to eat?" I said.

"I just want chips and tortillas," he said.

This is what he always says at every Mexican restaurant, and usually we go through the motions of explaining that he must have some form of protein and a vegetable in order to maintain adequate nourishment. But today, we were cutting costs, and I found the request something easy to accommodate.

"Sounds good," I declared.

"Echo...Galen...how about you? I see a delicious quesadilla you could split. What do you think?"

"Okay," they said in unison.

In a matter of 30 seconds, I had negotiated a cut in cost by two meals and so far everyone was happy.

"I think I just covered a co-pay to my oncologist!" I thought to myself.

I was quite proud of myself. I had gained control over the situation and began my quest to take care of all future costs associated with my cancer treatment. I was confident that given a little brainstorming time in the recliner after the meal, I could concoct additional plans to create my own healthcare spending account gleaned from discount coupons, eliminated desserts, and home Flo-Bee haircuts.

As the meal came to an end, everyone seemed to get their fill, and I sought out the waiter for the check.

"We're ready when you are," I said as my waiter passed by.

"Oh, I've got your check right here," he said. "You've got a special check."

T.J. the waiter reached into his apron, pulled out the standard black American Express folder every restaurant brings to the table, and presented a small piece of notebook paper folded in the middle. He laid it on the table and walked away.

Confused, I opened the folded piece of paper.

It read:

"We miss you. We love you, and we're praying for you. - Mason and Melissa"

I wasn't ready for that.

Meals had already started showing up at our house, and I had been concerned about accepting them, because, quite frankly, I feel fine. It would be later that we would need the meals, when I was drained from the chemo and radiation. But friends insisted, and we couldn't turn down their generosity.

And here again, was God showing up through such a kind gesture.

I had worried about the expenses, and so like many other situations in my life, I tried to gain control. I would solve this problem myself.

I'm not saying spending more responsibly is not a smart thing to do, especially in a situation like this. I believe it is. But you have to understand my how I'm wired, and that I am one to feel that I shouldn't bother God with the small stuff.

"Let me take care of that, God. That's what you gave me a brain and hard working hands for."

The problem with this is that the mentality is completely backward from what God tells us.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:25-33

I had been proud of my accomplishment. But in his own remarkable way, God took care of something I could have never negotiated on my own. I've never walked into a restaurant and been able to convince the manager upon arrival that my family should be able to eat for the amazingly low cost of zero.

But God, working through wonderful and generous people like each of you, find ways to stop me in my seemingly self-sufficient tracks and show me that He can do anything.

Mason and Melissa, we love and miss you too. And I prayed for you too that day. That God would bless you in a mighty way.

So many of you have done so many great things. Your words of encouragement, texts, emails, calls, and posts. Meals, hugs, tears, and prayers. Not one gone unnoticed.

Thanks for helping me realize that despite the upcoming trial, God will provide. I'm learning so much as each of you step out unselfishly and bless our family. Please know that we are praying that He will bless each of you many times beyond the way you have blessed us.

Brant

*actual names (except for mine) altered for privacy.

********************

From sadness to light.

That is what her son, Michael, wanted for Marie. To see her transform from "sadness to light".

I love Marie Osmond. I watched her interview today on Oprah. My heart breaks & hurts for her. The love she has for her son is so obvious. He passed away in February & it doesn't appear her grief has eased any. It probably never will. She was so strong today when she told her story. As usual, she carried herself with such dignity & class. She is so beautiful inside & out & I honestly believe she is one terrific, loving mother to her children.

As heartbreaking as it was, I tried not to cry today. Instead, I focused on her story & I listened. After watching her sing her beautiful song, dedicated to Michael, I was struck. Struck with one revelation:

Life is short. The future is unknown. The little things? Let them go.

The little things don't matter. The memories made along the journey, do. Marie now has to live with memories of Michael because that's all she has. That's really all we all have.

Bentley not eating his veggies & forgetting to turn in homework? It doesn't matter.

Audi's constant tattling & elevated ego? It doesn't matter.

Jaguar not eating her lunch & goofing off in Kindergarten when she should be focusing? It doesn't matter.

Mercedes skipping naps, rising at 6:00 a.m. daily & frequent tantrums? It doesn't matter.

Sure, those things matter. But not in the big picture. Is it really worth devoting so much time & energy (& misery) on issues that won't last forever? Until today, I thought so. Now, not so much. It's ironic how you can see or hear one thing, & it so profoundly impacts you, that changes are implemented immediately. That's what I admire so much about inspiration. Inspiration is everywhere, free for the taking. It's up to us whether or not we grasp, appreciate & apply the gift of inspiration.

My greatest fear in life has always remained the same - that my children will grow up hating me. I remember, from age 5, hating my mother. Now that I am a mother, I am terrified my children will grow up hating me. As time has moved on, I now have two greatest fears. Add to the first, that I am very fearful something will happen to one of my children. This is a discussion my husband & myself have often. I have informed my husband should anything detrimental happen to any of my children, I will need to be medicated. My thought process can't even comprehend something happening to my children. My children are my life. How would I live through it? Could I live through it? My mother tells me I will, because I have no other choice. Marie Osmond is so strong. As she stated today, she has to be. She has other children that need her.

My parenting is something I am constantly analyzing & changing. Am I doing it right? Am I doing it wrong? Am I being fair? Too harsh? Am I losing sight that my children are, well, children? Are my expectations too high? I am stern with my children. And more often than not, I catch myself repeating the pattern of my childhood. I don't desire to do that. I desire to loosen up. Slow down. Breathe. Play. Live. Laugh. Have fun. Build beautiful, happy memories that last a lifetime. And we do all of those things. But as I was reminded today, do more. Now. Stop sweating the small stuff. Break the rules. Let it go & enjoy life. There are no second chances & we get no do-overs. We'd better do our best to get it right the first time. I am a firm believer that never, ever, ever is it too late. It's never to late to begin again, to say you're sorry, to give that hug you forgot to do this morning. It's never too late to make good on a promise that escaped your mind amidst the busyness. It is never too late to declutter & reprioritize life because it may just be the only chance you get.

Soon after Michael's death, Marie returned to the stage because as she said today, the stage is her "security". Good for her. Good for her for doing what's best for her, & for doing what brings her comfort & peace during such a painful time in her life. I don't know Marie Osmond personally, but I'm praying for her. I would think anyone who loses a child would need & welcome all prayers. I commend her for sharing her story, for finding the strength to carry on, & I wish her & her family love & all the best.

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My Cassie is gone.

I'm having a difficult time wrapping my mind around all of this. Why does this continue to happen to us? We love animals. We just want a dog to add to our family, to keep until her time here, with us, is finished. Why is that too much to ask for?

I think I mentioned that about 7 1/2 years ago, we had to put down my dog that I/we had had for 14 or so years. She was with me before my husband & stayed with us until her journey was over. We didn't get another dog for quite some time. Approximately 4 years. We did our research on the breed we wanted. For many reasons, we chose the Shih-Tzu breed, & purchased our OshKosh. Who was an awesome dog. So adorable. We loved him. But unexpectedly, as he was approaching 4 years old, he turned on the kids. For no reason. I know what many think. Many assume our children picked on Kosh, & that is the reason he began snapping. That is so far from the truth. Our children are taught from day one to respect animals. They are taught how to appropriately treat them, how to give them space while they eat & drink, where we pet & where we don't pet, & how to play gently. To be honest with you, the kids didn't pay that much attention to Kosh. So why he suddenly snapped & attempted to viciously attack their faces/heads, we don't know. Our vet wanted us to put him down, but we couldn't. Fortunately my husband's mother took him, & Kosh is much happier in his new environment - he enjoys the quiet. He's treated like a king. Just as he should be.

Then we adopted Ky. Awesome Labrador. Amazing dog. Probably the best, well trained dog ever. Obviously, the SPCA sucked at their screening. Ky was sick. We tried to help him. Took him to an ER vet the day after we got him. Gave him medication(s). Had everything taken care of that the SPCA said they did, but did not. Then we discovered he more than likely had some sort of obstruction & the vomiting was so severe & so often, we had to return him. So unfortunate.

And Cassie (Imperial Shih-Tzu). I found her on Craig's List. And well, you know the journey with Cassie. We did all we could to save her & help her. But she's 'special needs'. And due to no fault of her own, her health issues couldn't be controlled. Yes, there are further steps we could have taken. But that takes money. Thousands, to be exact. And time. It takes time. With her recent accidents, I was overwhelmed. It just came to a point I couldn't do it anymore, no matter how strong my love is for her. I don't blame her & I/we never got angry with her. She is precious. We will miss her. I will pray so hard for her that the vet tech that 'adopted' her gets her the help she needs. I can't bear to think that she won't. Cassie is just to tiny & delicate - I hope she is loved as we loved her.

Maybe someday all of this will make sense. For now, it most certainly does not. I just don't understand.

All I know is that once again, it will be a very quiet evening tonight. And as I start to cry, I will now sign off.

Here's to a new week.

A biological baby? Update.

OMGosh. I just told hubby "I think we should try, again, to have our own biological baby."

He said "OKAY!" without hesitation.

Huh?

I thought this deserved it's own post. Ü



"I said no to adopting more children. I never said no to having a biological child."

Gee, I guess I should have asked! ;o)

Seriously. Aren't I too old? How old is too old to (yet again) attempt to get pregnant? High Risk? Oh yeah. I'd be the real deal right there. ;o)

God will really have to have a sense of humor to pull this off. I'm pretty confident my chances are slim to none. :)

Good-bye to a friend.

I hope he knows how many friends he had. The support being offered to his family is amazing. He was a good guy. Everyone loved his smile & happy disposition. He has now been rescued. But will be missed by many.

I'm glad I had the opportunity to get to know him. I'm glad we dated, I'm glad we went to prom together. And I pray for comfort & peace for his wife & children, as well as his parents & siblings.

Make life worth living. Touch & help other people. Reach out to those hurting. One never knows another's story - but we have the opportunity to make it better. And it's never too late to start.