If I could, I would give my kids the world.

On Facebook recently, we've all read the article written by the mom who basically told teenage girls to stop dressing & acting like tramps. While she, on the other hand, had a photo up of her shirtless teenage sons on the beach, baring their badass muscles. Btw, where is that photo? She removed it? Here's the image she did have up, while slamming others for not wearing clothes & for posing inappropriately.

Then, we read the article about the mom who says don't worry, none of us can do it all & we're all normal. If we have kids, we live like pigs. Totally normal.

And though I don't necessarily dispute this one, we all read the article about not judging out of control children, because we don't know circumstances.

I decided to write my own 'parenting' article.

I grew up with the mindset, honestly after hearing lecture after lecture, of how we should never allow our children everything they want. Even if it can be afforded. I can't afford to give my children their heart's desire, so it's never been an issue. But lately, I've been thinking about it. And my opinion has changed. My pocketbook hasn't, but my mind has. And I'll tell you what got me thinking. A few of you know this story, or some of it.

I have had the same Gynecologist for over 20 years. I've never carried a baby, so typically, other than my breast cancer journey a few years ago, I just see her yearly. Or every year & a half. I cheat.

My Gynecologist is 7 years older than me. I got lucky when I found her - she's one of the sweetest, calmest, most mild mannered physicians I've ever met. She has a delightful, peaceful disposition & I really love her dearly. Over the years, she always kept up with our adoption journey, & every time I go see her, I take photos of my kids. Because she's interested. And she lets it be known. Oddly, we sort of have an acquaintance friendship. I guess that happens when you continue to go to the same dr. for so many years. She's the type of person, the type of friend, that no matter how much time passes between visits, it's like we just saw each other yesterday. I remember years ago when she was pregnant. I found it so strange. I thought 'she's supposed to deliver babies, not make them!' Ha! She's one of the most popular & sought out OB/Gynecolgists in my area.

At the time, her children were all boys. But she always wanted a girl. As her boys grew, she & her husband adopted a precious baby girl from China. My dr. waited a long time for her daughter & treasured & adored every ounce of that little girl. When I would go in for my appointment, I showed her the photos of my kids & she showed me hers. She carries her photos in her lab coat pocket. It's just the sweetest thing. I remember going in for my appointment a few years ago, & was dealt a devestating blow, when her nurse informed me that my dr.'s little girl had passed away in a horrible accident. She was 5 or 6 when she died. I did not ask any details, but found out later her daughter passed away while in the care of her nanny. She drowned. I will never forget that day I found out. I never mentioned it to my dr. - I never told her I knew. I didn't want to bring up any painful memories. I shared in her excitement when she told me they were adopting another little girl from China, a special needs little girl. My dr. has the money to help those babies in need & she knows it & she acts on it. It's just her heart. She brought home her 2nd little girl from China when the baby was about 2 years old. She's several years older now, cute as a bug & her special needs repaired. She has the most loving, fabulous life any little girl could ask for. My dr. told me that she wanted to adopt another, but her husband was hesitant, due to their ages. She was working on him. I had to laugh when she told me "I love him, he's a great guy, but he's kind of boring! We have enough love to offer another child."

When I was in for my most recent appointment, she told me she was indeed adopting another little girl from China. This one around 4 years old. She was so happy. So at ease. She hoped they would be traveling to China in September (last month) to bring her home. Knowing all she/they have endured, I was just thrilled for her. I whispered "I'm so glad your husband got on board!" as I headed to another area to have some tests run. She just looked at me & smiled. After she read my test results, I wished her the best of luck & went on my way. I haven't checked back in, but I hope she brought her third little girl home. I hope all went well because honestly, she deserves nothing less.

You can imagine my shock, a few days after my appointment, when a friend informed me my dr.'s husband had passed away prior. What? How could that be? My dr. had just told me she was adopting another child. I did my research & discovered her husband had passed away a year or so earlier (just happened to be right in between my annuals). I sat in disbelief & distraught all evening. I told my husband how I had had no idea when I was in there for my visit & she never said a word. No wonder she just looked at me & smiled when I made the comment about her "husband being on board". She didn't know I didn't know. I just couldn't believe it. Last I knew, she was adopting another another child & now suddenly, I find out her husband is deceased. Imagine my horror when I learned her husband drowned in a accident while they were on vacation. He drowned! The same, horrible tragedy that she lost her oldest daughter to a few years earlier. All I could mutter is "my God, how much can one family take". Yet, there she was, at work. As dedicated, as calm, as sweet as ever. You would never know by seeing her that her life & her heart had been shattered multiple times. She was adopting her new little girl without her husband.

She doesn't blog anymore, but she used to, & she chronicled their adoption journey when they decided to adopt their second daughter from China. I loved her blog. She gave updates & always showed her quiet wit when she posted. She even included updates on her boys & mentioned how it was so hard to let them go off to college & watch them grow. She is an amazing mother, just another quality of hers that is so endearing & draws so many women in.

She made a comment on her blog one time that has stuck with me ever since I read it. She said that she always gave her children everything. She could afford to, she worked hard to, & she did. Although, I'm sure there were times they, too, got told no. She didn't hide the fact that her children had what they wanted & as a matter of fact, she obviously didn't care who knew. I admire her so much.

She raised good boys. Boys to this day who appear to have a deep, loving, adoring relationship with their mother. I'm not saying I believe her boys were or are perfect, as I'm sure they had their challenging days like everyone else. But I can tell you without a doubt, those are some fine young men. Money had nothing to do with her teaching them about Christ, about love, about giving, about helping, about loving others. Money had nothing to do with her teaching them about confidence, honesty, respect & responsibility. It doesn't take money to teach those things, whether you have an over abundance of it or you don't. It takes one thing. It takes a heart to do that. Her boys didn't end up plastered & in jail, even though their mother gave them everything she could. Her boys didn't end up liars, cheaters, losers or a detriment to society, even though their mother gave them everything she could. Her boys grew up knowing bountiful, pure love.

Life is short. I know I've said this a million times, but we have to live while we're alive. There are no second chances. My dr., of all people, can attest to that. There are no do-overs. This is it. It is what you make it. It is what I make it. It is what my dr. makes it. It doesn't matter what society thinks is right or wrong. It doesn't matter if 'old school' thinks it wrong to give our children much. None of that matters. Happiness matters. Happiness & love. Happiness & love matter.

So yes, if I could, I would give my kids the world, while teaching them what's important. If I could afford to, I'd give them everything they wanted. Because love isn't based on material things. So what if they happen to have a lot. You show me their character. Show me their heart. Because that's what I care about. Not what kind of car they drive.

Day of Silence.

On Tuesday, December 18th, there will be a blogger day of silence. We will post the button and that's it. Please try to not post anything else that day if possible.

We are also raising money that will go to an organization in the memory of this tragedy. The organization is called The Newtown Family Youth and Family Services. Here is the official description of the support service we are donating to:

"Newtown Youth and Family Services, Inc. is a licensed, non-profit, mental health clinic and youth services bureau dedicated to helping children and families achieve their highest potential. NYFS provides programs, services, activities, counseling, support groups and education throughout the Greater Newtown area.

ANY DONATIONS MADE TO NEWTOWN YOUTH AND FAMILY SERVICES WILL BE DONATED DIRECTLY TO THOSE EFFECTED BY THE SANDY HOOK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SHOOTING."


Please visit THIS PAGE to make your donation.

We can't imagine how they must be feeling, especially this close to the holidays. We would love for you to spread the word on your own blog, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Let's make a difference and use blogging in a positive way. Thank you in advance for participating.

Love,

The Blog World

p.s. If you would like to, copy-paste and repost any part of this, please do. Share on.

Adoring the simple.

A month or so ago, on a Friday, I had had quite a challenging day. When school was out, I picked the kids up & decided that even though early, we were heading to Chili's to just chill out (& so I could drink unlimited amounts of Diet Coke, but I didn't tell them that). I called my husband & told him my plan - my husband can pretty much make his own hours & it was Friday, so he told me he'd meet us there as soon as he could slip away. His office is a good 40 minutes or more away in Friday afternoon traffic, so I knew we would be there for a while. We ordered chips, queso & drinks, & let the afternoon drift away while we sat in a corner just being together, doing a lot of nothing.

Since then, I've repeated our little escape a time or two. Yesterday, as a matter of fact. As I sat there in the large corner booth, having an in-depth conversation with my 8 year old about a series of books he's interested in, I realized how very much I love our Chili dates. Early afternoon, the restaurant is quiet. No cartoons blaring, no phone ringing, no computer, no homework, no piano, no french horn, no loud pots & pans prepping for dinner, no dogs running amok, just us. Talking. Laughing. Sharing. Tic-tac-toe'ing. Listening. Enjoying. Yesterday, I recognized the fact that there are not near enough of these amazing, simple moments. 'Busy' has become our normal. My kids are growing very quickly. Time is fleeting. And I truly feel they need & desire our little dates as much as I do.

It's a true blessing what developed out of an exhausting, challenging day. And tonight, I'm truly, very thankful, for the simple. ♥

Moments.

I took this one evening, several weeks ago. The weather was just beautiful, early evening, & I sent my children outside with play-doh. I snapped this with my cell phone & it's one of my favorites. I forever want to remember these simple moments.

Though I don't desire a 'mommy blog' any longer, I do desire to continue to post photos of my children every now & then. For quite some time, I have focused so much on my business, I've significantly decreased the amount of photos I take of my kids. Time to refocus & reprioritize. And now that Christmastime is upon us? I better charge my camera battery real good.

I'm almost finished decorating for Christmas, so I'll be posting those photos soon. I love Christmas. So much fun, anticipation, beauty & love! Time to live! ♥

Work from home. You make the hours. You make your paycheck.

When I became a Gold Ambassador with Shaklee the end of July, I told my Business Leader I had 2 goals: 1.) to inform others anywhere & everywhere about these phenomenal, effective, all-natural products that work & 2.) I want to earn an income, so I can contribute financially to help my own family.

Last week, I opened my own bank business account, because I'm now making enough money, that I need my own account for tax purposes. Note, I do not work 40 hours weekly. And if you think you aren't capable of doing this, you're wrong. I do it, I'm successful & I have 4 young children. I'm a mom, first. I market Shaklee, second. That will never change.

All that said - Shaklee is the most amazing opportunity, for myself & others, I've not only seen, but participated in - ever. I searched so long for 'green' products that I was content with & that met my standards. It took five years, but alas, I search no more. And I will never search again, literally. Shaklee is it for me - personally & professionally.

As I've stated before, I'm in Shaklee for the long haul. This is not a temporary fix for me, this is not anything I take lightly. This is the real deal. And for me, this real deal is my professional passion.

Our world is polluted. Our world is contaminated. It makes absolutely NO sense to not make changes where we are able & when we can. Many times we have choices when it comes to improving our health & that of our family's. It makes NO sense that everyone, everywhere is not using Shaklee products. Take, for example, Shaklee's incredible Get Clean line. The products are proven effective (for over 50 years now!) & the majority of them cost LESS than store brands that people/you already buy! Shaklee products are products you already use. They're already in your home. Why in the world would anyone not change them out for proven, non-toxic, less expensive cleaning products?

Sorry. I kind of got off track. LOL



My point is this. I want to inform as many people as I can & encourage them to make a change. For their health. For the health of their loved ones. Any change is better than no change at all. Changing brands can change your life! I want people on MY team, yes MY team, to mentor & encourage & challenge to go big or go home. Who desire, with passion, to help others. Who desire, with passion, to make some serious money for their own family, for whatever reason they want. I want those who desire to be self-employed, I want those who are willing to work their rears off to meet their goals & I want those who are committed & serious. Because committed & serious will get you where you want to go.

Join my team & we'll do it together. You will be included in one of the largest, fastest growing groups Shaklee currently has. You will have access to a wonderful, fun group of women (& some men!) on a private, members only Facebook page, where you'll get more training & more support than you can imagine. Relationships are blossoming. And those are just the beginning. But more importantly - by being self employed marketing Shaklee products, you'll also get to call the shots, make your own hours & work/don't work when you choose. Make as little or as much money as you desire. You reap what you sow & that is one terrific benefit.

 

If you are interested, follow my Facebook page here & email me at: adoringthesimple@gmail.com

As an additional bonus, until midnight tonight, I am offering a 'shipping special' to anyone who purchases any product, & that includes becoming a Gold Ambassador. I personally will write you a check to reimburse you your shipping fee. I know - you can't afford to. But ask yourself - can you afford not to? www.melissabrazell.myshaklee.com

You can start helping others & making money immediately.  Can't wait to hear from you!

Precious passion.

When I was younger, I was never encouraged to discover, embrace & live my passions. Or maybe I was encouraged, but I don't remember. At age 44, there are so many things I am passionate about. Some of my passions have probably changed along the way & new ones have bloomed. I'm your typical I want to do this, I want to go there, this is where my heart is & oh how I love this! kind of girl. Sometimes my passion yesterday is not my passion today. Maybe I should just realize having more than one passion is completely wonderful & I can love them all.

I love animals. All animals. Any animals. Literally, I have been rescuing animals for years. My husband of 16 years no longer battles my desire - he now helps me. A few years ago, it dawned on me that maybe I should consider opening my own rescue some day. Oh how I would love that! But I know what it takes. And it takes a lot. "A lot" is actually an understatement. And right now, I'm not in any position to do it. If I ever could pull it off, it would be a dream come true.

Why? This is why. Please click the link. It's one of the sweetest stories you'll ever see. They don't have a voice. We have to be their voice. And oh yes, we can make a difference. ♥

Click here.

Happy New Year III & OneWord 2012.

(We went out to dinner & when we returned, all the strawberries had fallen off! :)

1.6.12 - she's 4! ♥

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. To me, they're just silly. I'm sure some remember & actually accomplish their goals, but not me. By Jan. 2nd, I'd already forget what mine was. Ha! But this year, I was introduced to OneWord2012. (Google for more information.) I was intrigued. Very intrigued. Because this works for me. And honestly, I need OneWord.

Almost 11 years ago, I became a mom. And I've mentioned this tons of times - somewhere along the way, I lost myself. Me. Where am I? Yes, I'm a mom. I LOVE being a mom, that's no secret. But what about me? I'm still a person. Or am I? For the most part, I disappeared into an overweight (let me stop right here & encourage you - if you are overweight, that does not mean you can't look good & feel your best - fix yourself up every day!), sweat & t-shirt wearing, hair in ponytail, no makeup mom. But wait just a minute. Can't I be, dare I say, both? Can't we all be both? Like I mentioned prior, I've already implemented changes (I no longer smoke, I wear makeup daily, I exercise, etc. & I'm going to blog all of this as I go). And though I need constant reminding & though this will be a work in progress - damnit - I can be both. I want to be both. I need to be both!

I've really learned to adore & appreciate words. There is power in words (good & bad). There is inspiration in words. Answers lie within words. So, needless to say, for this project, lots of words came to mind. It took me a few days. And then it hit me -

To Thine Own Self Be True.

That's it. True.

Every day, in every situation, I need to stay true to myself. I don't deserve anything less & neither does anyone else. The word true has become beautiful to me. Full of life, if you will. I love it & I'm going to print it, so I see it. I'm going to order a bracelet, so I can wear it. I'm going to do whatever I have to do to remind myself. Because I don't ever again want to forget: me.

Be inspired. Choose a word. And then get busy. Because we don't know how long we have. It's time to live. Now.

From strangers to friends.

Tonight we had a severe storm. We watched the news & we knew it was coming. Soon enough the storm hit & the sirens alarmed.

As the sirens sounded, someone firmly knocked on our door. Who in the world? As I was grabbing the keys, I looked thru the beveled glass. "Who is it?" I asked as I fumbled trying to unlock the door. "Please, ma'am, I'm scared, can I come in?" & as I peered out, I noticed a young lady holding a baby carrier.

I looked at hubby a tad hesitant because now-a-days, you have to be so careful. But we knew it was ok. I opened the door & invited her in.

She was a young, beautiful AA girl, probably 20, holding the most precious baby boy. I led her to our family room where she could put the baby down & sit out the storm with us. She had just left work when the storm hit & she was too frightened to continue driving home. She saw our lights on & stopped.

We had the most amazing time! Her name is Tiffany & her 9 month old baby boy is Tristan. We had the most delightful conversation for about an hour! We talked about her & her family, her upbringing, adoption, african american hair (LOL) & church! She actually attends the church we are contemplating visiting. And now we will. She is a doll! She played with the kids, my kids played with her & we all coo'ed over her cute baby boy.

Finally the storm broke. She sincerely thanked us - a quick hug good-bye & off she went. It's funny how God brings people together. And I am so thankful He directed her to our home. She was so young, & so pretty, holding that sweet baby boy - it makes me shiver to think if she would have stopped at the 'wrong' house.

God works in mysterious ways. And when you least expect it, you can bet your tush, He's going to send yet another blessing. ☺

Truly, how does one cope?

The ironic thing about my dad's alcoholism is that as the years go by, this nightmare gets more difficult. And to me, that makes no sense. One would think it would get easier.

If you recall, in March I found my dad the most perfect place to call home, after he had been homeless for close to a week. He had been living out of his car, sleeping nights in the hospital parking lot for safety (I actually thought that was pretty brilliant) & basically spending his days in the Wal-Mart parking lot watching the passerbyers. (Gulp) Then as night fell, the routine started all over again as he headed towards the hospital.

It was at that point that our hearts could no longer take the pain of visualizing our father homeless & we once again came to his rescue. Because that's what children do. Right or wrong, good or bad, we love our dad & did what we felt best. With one understanding this time. No drinking. None. And low & behold, our dad agreed.

His desire was to live in a small, quaint town, that had some rolling hills (as rolling as Texas can get ;o), pretty scenery & out in the country. I had been on the internet searching for rentals. I happened to phone an ad regarding a travel trailer for rent - I tell no lies, it was in the very town my dad requested. We weren't going to fill dad's request; it just so happens, God did.

The owner of the trailer park is a wonderful Christian guy (met the man myself), who agreed to let my dad work for him, doing all the things my dad loves doing, & dad's rent would be altered to compensate for the work he did on the property. It was a win/win situation. Answered prayer.

I made the decision to talk to my father via the phone no more than once a month. Many reasons play into factor, but trust me, once a month is ample. I noticed my dad began leaving messages on my cell phone more often, & each time he was more intoxicated & he began badmouthing his landlord, I'll call 'J'. My dad is a pathological & habitual liar, & he's dillusional. All due to years of alcohol abuse. What that means is that when speaking with my father, you take everything with a grain of salt - flowing in one ear & out the other. 98% of what he speaks is the complete opposite of the truth. It's been that way for probably over 15 years. So I knew the nastiness he was divulging about J wasn't the slightest bit true. We all have come to the conclusion that my dad is not happy unless he is living in turmoil. It's crazy.

Recently when I've spoken w/ my dad, he's almost always drunk. I can barely make out anything he is saying. But I made out enough to know that the 'relationship' between himself & J was quickly deteriorating. Dad would continue to tell me he is living in a shack (how sweet is that, I found the place, I paid for the place, dad was homeless - yet he has the audacity to call a clean, spacious travel trailer, that has electricity, a kitchen, a toilet & a shower & a bedroom a "shack" to his daughter who so graciously spent her time & money securing his new home for him!) & then he would immediately trapse into deep, mean, cruel comments regarding J. Divulging information he would have no way of knowing - basically telling & spreading lies about a terrific guy who was helping my dad out.

One night last week my dad left me a message. Drunker than a skunk. I phoned my brother to see if dad had phoned him. My brother still has no contact with my dad, but occasionally dad will call him. My brother said no, dad didn't phone, but J did. Bingo. I now knew it was *on*.

I called my step-mother & spoke with her. She didn't know much, as she too is now isolating herself from my father yet again, because of his drinking and/or craziness. She did know, however, that J fired dad & informed dad he could leave (move out) at any time. And of course the J's actions are and were completely justified.

Sunday my dad phoned me unexpectedly - too bad for him, I had been up all the night before thinking of his situation & how yet again he has blown it - when I picked up the phone. I'm telling you - I blew him away. At this point with my dad, I hold nothing back. What in the crap do I have to lose? Someone needs to tell this man to grow up & stop acting like a 14 year old. And that's exactly what I did. I told him he has to cause trouble everywhere he goes & he just can't shut up & live a happy life. I told him anything & everything about J was none of his stinkin' business. I told him he is the most ungrateful person I have ever known. He hung up on me. :)

Monday (yesterday) I spoke with J in depth. He is such a nice, nice guy. I am embarrassed & ashamed of myself that I have put him (J) in this situation. But I did. So I will do what I can to help him. After all my dad has put him thru for the last 3 months, J wanted to say nothing negative about my dad. I explained to him that it was ok - I've been thru this for 30 years now & we all already know all there is to know. Still hesitant, he told me my dad is falling daily & he is very concerned about my dad's safety/health. He also is concerned that my dad takes tons of medications daily & is mixing those meds with alcohol. And he is concerned that my dad is driving drunk. He then went on to tell me that when my dad was collecting rent money, he was keeping it for himself. And then because my dad is very angry with him, dad is leaving very belligerent phone messages (received 100s of these myself) on J's phone. So much that J has saved them all & he can't even take his phone in the house at night. And then of course he told me that dad has got all J's other tenants mad at him so..."it's just not working out & he needs to find somewhere else to live". The thing came as a shock to me, is that J is still willing to help my dad. He told me where we can purchase that very same trailer for an inexpensive amount of money & he informed me of some locations we could put it. Or, he said he would be willing to box up my dad's personal belongings & rent him a motel room & put his belongings in the room for him. Such a wonderful, thoughtful person whose name has been drug thru the mud, thanks to my selfish, ungrateful, drunk father. And now my selfish, ungrateful, drunk father, again, has no where to live.

I phoned my step-mother & my brother & both of them told me they ain't helping. I don't blame them. I understand. I'm not angry with them in the slightest. But here's this wonderful guy who was nice enough to help my dad, so I feel obligated to do what I can to help him. Which isn't much. But I could try.

My dad phoned me last night to tell me Happy Birthday & I told him we needed to talk. He immediately got angry, very defensive, told me he is not moving, no one can make him, & he was not going to discuss anything. He hung up on me & that was the end of that. I took a deep, heavy sigh.

I sat outside peeking in, at my family all around the dinner table, eating the birthday dinner my husband so graciously brought home for my birthday. I wasn't at the table. At that very moment, it's almost as if someone threw a brick at me & hit me in the head.

What am I doing???

When I talked to my dad on the phone on Sunday, even though I went outside, my children heard bits & pieces. That infuriates me. Yesterday. My birthday. Not really a big deal to me, but it is to my children. Children are children. And they sat & ate my dinner, while I was outside on the phone. My poor babies who don't understand why I was outside on the phone while they ate my birthday dinner.

You all that have followed me have heard me say this 100 times. I had to live a childhood with alcoholism. My children do not. I had no choice. But, it is up to me, their mother, to protect them & keep them from witnessing such sad, selfish & self-destructive behavior. They don't need to see me upset. My time will no longer be taken away from them while I sit on the phone. My time will no longer be spent on this solutionless situation. I am so thankful that I am fully aware & that I can see my dad's alcoholism is starting to creep into my family life. Because I won't tolerate it any further.

I will phone J back in a few minutes & tell him I attempted to talk with my dad. I will then tell him to do whatever he sees fit to get my dad off his property, but I'll recommend he get the sheriff to help and/or witness. My dad won't go willingly. More than likely, my dad will get physical & destructive.

I don't know when or how this nightmare will end. But someday it will. My dad will pass away, & it won't be good. He will either die a slow, suffering death like the incident that almost claimed his life in Oct. '06, and/or he will die in a car accident, all the while we pray he kills no innocent people as he drives around drunk. Or heck, he could fall hard enough to hit his head just right. However it happens, we are all already prepared. And as sad as it is, & I know you can't begin to understand why or how I could possibly say this - that day can't come soon enough.

I don't know how to cope anymore. Everyone says "just let it go, there is nothing you can do." But now I know my dad is homeless again. In 100+ degree Texas summer heat. How can a person let it go?

Here's my decision. This is where I must again grab onto faith, pray like the dickens, take control of my life & my happiness, & let go. Wish me luck.

Priceless.

Bentley had some homework to complete. The instructions for this particular piece were:

"Think of something important that has happened in the world, in your school, or in your family. Write it in the center and then answer the six questions about it."

So he did this -



On his own. He had completed it when he showed it to hubby & myself. The only thing I helped him with was spelling the words 'adopted' & 'Palestine'.

He never ceases to amaze me. I thought this was amazing. He is such a precious boy with a beautiful heart. I treasure him & his thoughtfulness. ☺

Plan B.

The FDA approved the Plan B pill be available over the counter to girls 17 years & older. When I was 17, I was a girl. Not a woman. Not that that matters. Any.

There are so many more than obvious issues with this pill itself - but the name alone is disgusting. What a horrible, disrespectful, crude title for a pill that kills/murders a new life that God alone created.

And this little pill doesn't encourage sex? Among young people? Excuse me? WTF? Yeah, right. Who are they kidding? How easy to rid a 'mistake'. First of all, any baby is no mistake. Second of all, not only is this little devil encouraging sex, it's encouraging unsafe sex. There's a quick, easy, accessible way to now rid an unwanted baby, so who cares about STDS? Who cares about HIV? I mean really, who cares about abstinence? There are no morals anymore. There is no self respect. There are no ethics. There is no responsibility. There is no honoring life & all God has created. And all that can now be bought in one little blue box.

I find it so darn disturbing that society encourages none of the above. Society does not encourage morals. Or self respect. Or ethics. Or responsibility. Or honoring life & all God has created. As a matter of fact, seems society is doing everything possible to discourage these things. I suppose they would all originate the 'Plan A'.

And that is exactly why our world, country, society & even community is going to hell in a handbasket. I wonder, exactly, how many girls/ladies/women will look back years from now & tell their breathing children that they more than likely, or possibly, had a sibling. That their mom murdered. Because she was pretty much encouraged to do so. Applauded. Cheered on.

And the name of the new life that was so simply taken? Plan B.

Reality = Devastation.

History of my father is this - severe (that word is not strong enough but it's all I can think of) alcoholic. 'Alive dead' in 2006. God healed him. All family & friends of his he has alienated. Been in jail 3 times (2 recent times were 6 weeks each - & he was in the big place - Tarrant County jail - a place no one wants to be). After jail, he could not return to his home because his wife has a restraining order against him. Because he is alone, he had no where to go. Recently we found out he has been living out his car. This time I think he had been homeless for approximately 5 or 6 days.

My brother, who has a very strained relationship w/ my dad (because my father becomes mean, cruel & belligerent when drinking) & I finally decided to do what we could to help. Again, only because the vision of our father being homeless was more than our hearts could bear. Sure, it's all his fault, the bad decision after bad decision - none-the-less, he's our father & nothing he does will change that. Financially, we are all in distress. But we got it together, for dad.

My brother lives out in the country in a small town, next to a popular larger city. I was able to locate the newspaper via the internet & found the most perfect place for rent, for my dad. Lots of phone calls later I was able to secure his new home. A very strong Christian guy owns the place & everything fell into place more perfect than I ever could have dreamed. Monday I drove down (thank God I didn't have the kids - at first, hubby & all of us were going to go), hooked up w/ my dad, my brother's wife & off we went. Let me state my dad's health is extremely poor (due to drinking). When I first saw my dad, which was the first time in over a year, my thought was "I'm not so sure he can live alone". But off we went anyway. We put him in a small town outside of my brother's small town. LOL Out in the country, to say the least.

The stipulation to help my dad was this - plain & simple - we yet again would help him, with the understanding if he took so much as ONE drink, my brother & I were done. And next time, well, there wouldn't be a next time. This lifestyle w/ my father is beginning to takes it's toll on my brother, as well as myself. My brother laid it on the line. No BS. The drinking stops, or next time he'll stay homeless. My dad agreed.

When I first met up with my father, he had not been drinking (he has hardly any money - so he couldn't afford any). I was thrilled & hopeful. It took about 20 minutes to reach his new home. After we arrived, I got out of my car to tell him something & when he answered me, Vodka hit me in the face. I don't have to 'hunt' for it - I was raised with it. My nose is trained (isn't that pathetic?). There was no doubt. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, so I let it go & tried to convince myself "no way". He wouldn't! My brother made it clear. He gave his son his word. Surely not. Not this time.

My sister-in-law, "C" & I had gathered lots of staples he needed to get started. Sheets, blankets, towels, washcloths, soap, a little food, utensils, etc. "C" got him settled as I drove all the way back to the big town to retrieve...$432 cash. His deposit & prorate until April. When I returned, "C" commented that my dad kept telling her she'd "better go now". "C" knew not to leave until I got back so she fiddled around until I arrived. She stated to me that she could smell alcohol & that my brother (he was out on a job & couldn't be with us) was going to be devastated. She also stated she found a small, empty vodka bottle under his front seat of his car (he has always stashed his bottles there) & she's pretty sure she caught him quickly stuffing one into his suitcase. I didn't know what to do - so we just kept chatting with him, doing this & that, all the while he kept telling us to go. Finally, we did. "C" & I stood outside my dad's trailor chatting for bit before leaving. He didn't know we were there. We saw him come out of his trailor & sit in a chair. I thought nothing of it. We told him goodbye & off we went.

"C" went home (my dad now lives about 6 minutes beyond them) & I pulled into a little donut store in "C"'s town to return some missed calls to hubby. I was out of my car talking when I thought I saw my dad's car zoom by. This is out in the country, so there ain't a lot of cars & my dad's car is a little unique (like a bright red fire engine). At that time, "C" beeped in so I switched over to her call, & told her I thought my dad just drove by. I told her I was going to find out, so I got in my car, gassed it & caught up. Oh yah, it was him. And I knew exactly where he was going.

I finagled around enough so he never saw me. He was at a drive thru window - right as the clerk was about to hand TWO big jugs of Vodka out the window, I got out of my car, ran as fast as I could, & stood between him & the clerk at the window. Busted. He started his typical crap "oh those aren't mine, I'm here for soda pops", blah, blah, blah. People were lined up behind my dad & I stood there & made a scene. I was screaming & yelling, grabbing the vodka (as the clerk kept grabbing it back...LOL..it was hysterical, I think he thought I was going to steal it). My anger went something like this "What the hell are you doing???? I just spent $432 that I don't have to find you a place to live!!!!! You were homeless!!!!! You've been living out of your damn car!!!!! How can you do this??????? What the hell is wrong with you?????? I haven't been gone 5 minutes!!!!!" I was shaking uncontrollably & my dad sped off, leaving me standing there. I offered my apologies to everyone who witnessed, explaining the situation. The nice clerk told me "honey, if he doesn't buy it from me, he's going to get it somewhere else". Yah, no kidding, sir. I've been doing this a long time. I had the guy confirm that my dad did indeed ask for the Vodka, & he said yes. I asked him how much he was buying (I don't buy alcohol, so I didn't know the amount other than the 'jugs' were large). He said each jug was 1/2 gallon. My dad was buying two.

I drove around looking for my dad but couldn't find him. I phoned hubby & told him I was going back out to his trailer & take back everything I had taken him. Hubby told me to do what I thought I should. I mean really, if he has enough money for Vodka (they were $10 each, btw), he could buy his own damn crap. As I drove the quiet drive, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I figured he wasn't there but when I pulled up, he was getting out of his car. Calmly, I confronted him again.

"I was not buying that stuff." "Stop with all the lies!" I said. It went on & on. It was a calm conversation. I begged him two times to please take a shower, I would wait, & take him to the hospital to get him some help. He refused. I told him I spent money that I/we didn't have, to come to his rescue again. And I can't believe he did that. I told him he would never see me again & his response was "bye" (he's a totally sarcastic smarta$$ when he chooses to be). As I walked off, I opened his car door & felt under his seat for the empty bottle. It wasn't there. I said "you're good". I left.

I drove to "C"'s & talked w/ her for a while & then headed out for my 1 1/2 hour drive home. I didn't get home until 7:30 p.m.

This morning he called. I answered. He apologized (numerous times) & said he was embarrassed & ashamed. I told him he should be. He said he's trying to phone my brother. I informed him not to do that. I told him he's devastated & hurt. I again told him not to contact me until he would like my assistance getting him into a treatment facility. He told me the drinking is done - he just wanted a drink to relax (which I knew - I even told hubby that) - he was wrong & it wouldn't happen again. I informed him he's dying again (& trust me, he is) & that the Vodka is killing him. And he's taking us with him. He said he didn't want to do that - at that point I ended the conversation.

The worst part is (other than the drinking) is that my dad does feel bad. I knew it yesterday. I can see it written all over his face. He does have a conscious but honest to pete, he can't control his cravings. It's been over 50 years of hard liquor. It controls him. It rules his life & I know he fights it. But he can't win it. I can't use his disease as an excuse anymore, though.

This is one prayer God is not going to answer. I don't know why. I'm not mad at God because I don't question His judgement. But I don't understand it. What I do know is I love my dad. And nothing he will ever do will change that.

Mr. President?

Dear President Obama,

Congratulations on your Presidency! I know you have lots of plans & goals to accomplish over the next four years. Please know I will be praying for you, & your family as well.

Mr. President, I would like to ask you, if you don't mind, if you plan on holding another 'open to the public' shindig anytime in the near future? Because, you know, you're "neighborly like that" & I'm a neighbor! I live in the great state of Texas, but I'm a fellow American; therefore, I'm a neighbor.

I inquire because I would so like to attend your next 'open to the public' party. Will I be coming alone? No Mr. President, I won't. I'm glad you asked.

See Mr. President, I will be bringing along one of my four children. This particular child has always been interested in our country's history, as well as Washington, & I think it would be an extremely exceptional experience for my child. The chance of a lifetime! So my husband & I have decided that said child will come along with me. My child will love it & will be so thrilled!

I do have a favor, if you don't mind, Mr. President. I'm sure no one has ever asked this of you, or even contemplated it. I'm wondering if you wouldn't mind allowing my child the privelege to stay with you & your family, at the White House, just for a short time, while I complete a business venue? My child would be so blessed learning all he can about you & the White House.

I can promise you that my child will be absolutely no bother to you, your family or your staff. I have an amazingly well-behaved child. My child is so precious! You will fall in love with my child immediately & I guarantee you will have a blast! Upon my returning, you will thank me for being able to spend time with my child. You will confirm what I, as a parent, already know. You will tell me how awesome & beautiful my child is. You will tell me that you are so impressed with my child's knowledge! You will tell me how smart, vibrant, intelligent, witty, well-mannered, adorable, funny, imaginative, respectful, full of life & energetic my child is. And you will be exactly correct! My child was definitely hand-picked by God. I love & treasure my child so much! I know you understand that because you are a parent yourself. There are no words to describe loving a child.

You see, Mr. President, my child was adopted. As a matter of fact, all four of my children were adopted by my husband & myself. But this particular child, my child that you got to enjoy & fall in love with in such a short amount of time, was once to be aborted. While still in the womb, his birthmother visited an abortion clinic in hopes of ending her pregnancy. In hopes of finding a solution to her pain. She was ready to make a decision she would have regretted for the rest of her life. Her pain was yet to come.

My child's birthmother, by the grace of God, got up & walked out of that abortion clinic, Mr. President. My child's birthmother, instead, gave birth to my priceless, beautiful child that you spent time with. She chose life, Mr. President, & not murder. My child you spent time with was about to be killed & you, Mr. President, wouldn't have been blessed with his presence. My husband & I wouldn't be parents to said child, & we wouldn't have had the highest honor of meeting our child's birthparents & help them out of a stressful situation. My child is a pure blessing, Mr. President, on many levels & in more ways than one.

You see, Mr. President, I used to be Pro-Choice also. For many, many years. I thought the exact way you do. I was raised that way. And then, Mr. President, I met God. I learned the Bible. And I learned & believe in my heart that God is the only One to call a baby home. God made every life, Mr. President. And I feel confident enough to say, I don't believe God takes His job lightly. It is not a choice, sir, for one to make such a drastic decision to end what God so graciously created.

Mr. President, I pray you reconsider your position. You are in control, Mr. President, to make some decisions to help the helpless live, like my child did. Mr. President, fetus' don't have a voice. My child did not have a voice. His birthmother was my child's voice. And she made the absolute perfect decision! I'm sure it was an extremely difficult decision, but she did what was right. Not what was easy. Mr. President, not only would you save a life, which God created, you will help women all around the world breathe easier. Because once they make the decision to commit such a horrendous act, they have to live with their choice forever. And so many of these women can't see that far in advance. They would thank you, from the bottom of their heart, Mr. President. You see, Mr. President, committing murder doesn't just affect the unborn child. It also involves a hurting woman.

I pray for you, Mr. President. As does my beautiful child you had the privelege of meeting. Can you imagine my child dead, Mr. President? No? I can't either. But because of current laws, a procedure could have been performed to kill him instantly. I pray you have a change of heart, sir. And Mr. President, it is never, never too late to change your mind and/or stance of any situation.

One last thought, Mr. President. Without human life, with all due respect sir, your position of Presidency would be completely non-existent & unnecessary. As well as all of your plans & goals.

Myself & my entire family will continue to pray for you. It would be an honor. Mr. President, could you do me one more favor? Would you please pray about a change of heart, too? On behalf of all those who yet can't speak, & for all those who can but can't see the light because of their unfortunate situation & hurting hearts, we sincerely thank you.

I appreciate your time,

(Mom to four - one of those who could have easily been murdered.)

Sporadic postings.

Not really sure what to say here.

My extensive testing turned into further extensive testing. I was 'there' for hours. The bottom line is I know no more now than I did then (well, sort of I do, but won't go into details). Suffice to say, surgery is in my immediate future.

I don't want to go into details right now. For 2 reasons:

1.) I'm still trying to absorb all of this & I'm waiting for my dr. to phone me after she speaks with the specialist.

2.) There are too many who read my blog (think 'Bentley's school') who are so not welcome into this personal journey I am fixing to embark on regarding my health & life.

I am so distraught on so many levels. I have too much right now on my plate. My dad is in jail. And it's much, much more complicated than that. I have options to weigh regarding my health & I don't know where to start. I need surgery & I have 4 children. That one is self-explanatory. Just too much.

So I've decided to step back from my blog. Postings will be more sporadic until I clear my mind. And should I want to vent/discuss on here (remember I have no one to talk to in person) I absolutely refuse to after what happened w/ Bentley's injury. Private blog for discussing/releasing frustration regarding my health? Make this one private again so I can keep everything in one spot? Keep all 'this' bottled inside? Too many I don't knows. And right now I have not one single answer.

I do have peace & a certain calmness that all will be fine. This won't get me down 'cause it takes a lot to pull me down. I'm strong as strong can be - just confused, frustrated & angry at the moment. I just need to think.

If you can spare an extra prayer for me, I would really appreciate it. And for my family too. They will be just as affected as I will be. I'm not so concerned about myself as I am for my children. Please keep them in your prayers.

I'll be around. And thanks so very much for caring.

1-11-09.

This is a photo of me being driven around the football stadium when I was a senior in high school & crowned homecoming queen. Coincidentally enough, if you are a friend of mine on Facebook, you noticed one of my newest acquaintances as of today is Tim. Tim is actually the guy sitting in the front seat, waving. Unfortunately his hand is blocking his face. Tim was my escort both my junior (homecoming rep) & senior (homecoming queen) year.

This professionally matted & framed photo was left at my mother's place of employment two years ago. To date, we still have no clue as to who left the photo. We know he was a male, but that's all the information we received. A few hours after my mother clocked out of work, the guy took the photo in (he must have known her hours), grabbed a 8x10 piece of printer paper, wrote my mother's name on it, placed the paper across the actual photo (so she couldn't see it) & asked another employee to give it to my mother the following day. The girl did. And all she could tell us was "he was a cute guy".

Never heard a word since but I'll tell you this, he paid alot of money to have that photo matted & framed! I even tried to disassemble it to see if there is any handwriting on the back of the photo, but I can't get the dadgum thing apart!

What baffles me the most (& I find extremely interesting) is that that photo was taken in 1984, I do believe. I was 17. He held onto that photo (or recently came across it) for 23 years. Maybe some day we'll know who cared enough to professionally frame a photo of me. Until then, the mystery continues. ☺

All I want for Christmas - is a new family.

Excuse me 'while I whine' post.

Such a wake up call for me. I guess I'm so used to it I don't really pay attention or focus. For some reason I currently am focusing, though. Typically I do during the Holidays & it gets more magnifide the older I get.

Before I rant, let me say that my brother & sister-in-law always mail my children Christmas & Birthday gifts. This is the first year they are unable to do so, & I completely understand. This post excludes them.

But I have more family. A mother, a father (both of those terms used loosely because quite honestly, neither of them deserve the title), a step-mother who is still married to my father meaning she is still my children's grandmother, my oldest brother (who has never seen my children & will have nothing to do with me because we had a 'falling out' when I was Baptised), one Aunt, two Uncles, & 4 cousins. My Aunt, one Uncle & cousins I haven't seen or spoken with in years. And it flat out hurts my heart. But there is strife between my father & his brother & there's not a darn thing I can do about it. I sent my cousin an email a month or so ago, saying hello, & never got a response. I just need to let it go.

Yes my family is small. At times like this, I realize exactly how small my family is. My husband's family is huge, they all have excellent relationships & to tell the truth, I'm extremely jealous. Sometimes I get sick & tired of being around all of 'them'. And NEVER around or with my family. Once a year, at the most, & even then I feel as if me & my family are intruding.

My other Uncle, who is my mother's brother, lives in CA. I hardly ever see him. Haven't seen him in years, as a matter of fact. However, at Christmas time, he consistently mails my children Christmas gifts (we mail him a gift, as well). As well as a little something for my husband & myself. I think I have taken him for granted & as of 30 minutes ago, I had a reality check. I sent him an email & let him know how very much we appreciate him & all he has done for us/my children. From my heart I appreciate him & all he does & never again will he get overlooked.

For Christmas, my children received nothing from any of my family (except for the Uncle above). Not even a Christmas card. Not even a Christmas card from my own mother! I know not everyone can afford gifts & of anyone out there, I understand that. I am not a materialistic person (PTL - I consider that a blessing). But I do know Hallmark carries a line of cards for .99 cents. Add a stamp. Not even a card for Christmas? What about a phone call? They all have phones. So do we. Nothing.

And now it's birthday time for Audi, Jags & Mercedes. Ditto above. Nothing. I have a stack sitting here of gifts and/or cards to my children for their birthdays. All from hubby's family. Not one single, tiny gift or birthday card to them from a family member of mine. Phone hasn't rang. I doubt it will. Celebrations will carry on.

There is nothing else I can say other than it is utterly & absolutely heartwrenching. It hurts. It makes me extremely sad, but more importantly, as a mom, I hurt for my children. They are innocent. They are young. And they all know I have family. And they get not so much as a Happy Birthday phone call. A simple, 5 minute phone call.

I speak the truth when I say I would like to find a new family. I know it will never happen. But it would be a dream come true to find someone who truly loves me, my husband & my children. And would treat us like they do. I don't care that they would not be biological - love builds a family, not blood.

This too shall pass. Or will it ever? I suppose the hurt will never go away.

Blessings to you & all of your loved ones. Wish them Happy New Year, & tell them you love them.

Thank you for blessing me with your friendships. And please know, you are such a blessing to me!

2009 will be a great year!

Thanksgiving.

I found this little guy today @ Target. He's part of a precious little collection they currently carry. This particular little guy tugged @ my heart. Then jumped in my cart. Ü

Being a parent is the most beautiful opportunity I've ever been trusted with. The love, the tears, the laughs & the memories. The opportunity to shape & mold & build little beings. The opportunity so many pray every night to experience.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

We have so much to be thankful for. Yet so many are hurting & their vision is fogged. Finances are dim. Jobs have dissipated. Many have lost a loved one. Someone is dying of cancer. Others are ill. Homeless. Lonely. Heartbroken. So many can't see the light thru the dark.

But there is light. And it is shining bright for all to see.

On Thanksgiving, above all you are thankful for, I hope you remember we have been given the free gift of salvation. His name is Christ.

I have given my testimony several times but here's the very short version.

I was not a Christian until I was 30. I was surrounded by Christians - most of my friends & employees were Christians. Yet I was not. At work we often discussed religion. I never understood it. And even though I inquired, no one showed me the way. I don't fault them -that's just the way it was. I was headed to hell & I had absolutely no idea.

One Sunday morning I was watching a church service on tv. It was a mega church in Dallas. A Baptist church, I believe. That church not only spoke with me over the phone & mailed me the most valuable information ever, more importantly they (strangers) showed me the way. They showed me the light. I will be forever grateful.

Tomorrow I will thank God for what He has offered all of us, & for what Christ endured to secure my place in Heaven.

Tomorrow I pray you recognize all you have to be thankful for. Jobs. Finances. Family. Health. Homes. Children running amock. New babies. But most of all, please remember to thank God. If not for Him, we would have nothing to be thankful for. Including the most important - Christ.

If you are not sure if you have a secure place in heaven, please email me. It would be my pleasure to help & listen any way I can. I won't do it perfectly. I may not do it properly. But I can help & I can get you pointed in the right direction. Don't wait. No one helped me - it would be my pleasure to help you.

Wishing you all love & blessings on Thanksgiving,

It's different with her.

It's difficult to explain. Her journey is not like her siblings'. There is no piece of an adoption plan that is easy - but hers is sad. She was all alone.

But when I look in her face, I see hope. I see "Faith". And I see God's unwavering promise.

Unlike her siblings, her birthmother did not name her. The nurses called her "Dusty", remember? Her birthmother wanted her gone. Go away. Just get rid of her. Her birthmother didn't even care if or whom would take & raise her baby. She knows nothing about us.

Is it different w/ Mercedes because no one cared? Is it different because at birth she had to be resuscitated? Is it because her first of three apgars was -0-? Is it because she layed in that cold bassinet, alone, for 3 days before God performed yet another miracle & connected her & I on day 3? Is it because she went thru withdrawals with no one to help her? No one to comfort her? Is it because she had a feeding tube down her nose, & again, no one to comfort, snuggle, love & hold her? Why is it different? Because of all the above?

I don't know.

Her beginning was rough. Hard. Scary. But that's all over now. And I do know she is now exactly where she belongs.

She is loved. She is treasured. She is adored. She is amazing & a true, beautiful gift.

I love the way she still wants to be held. I love the way she longs for closeness. I love the way her tiny little hands grab on to my shirt when I toss her on my hip. I love the way her tiny little fists rub her eyes when she's tired. I love how when she is upset or angry she starts yelling "mamama!!" because she knows I'll yet again come to her rescue. I love the way, the second her daddy walks thru the door, she'll do everything in her power to get to him as fast as she can. Then she pulls up on his pantlegs until he reaches down to pick her up. And then she doesn't let him put her down for at least 20 minutes. I love how she grabs as many Puffs or Goldfish as she can & shoves them in her mouth, in hopes of one or two actually making it in. I love how she has a content moan when she eats. I love how her siblings can make her laugh harder than anyone else. I love her determination. She is a fighter. I love the ways she trusts. I love the way she needs me.

And as long as I can, as long as I am able, I will rescue her.

I hope & I pray that her birthmother has peace - she deserves to have peace. Her situation was bad & she 'got out' the only way she knew how. And that's ok. There is no right or wrong when an adoption plan is made. There is no blame. When the day comes, when she realizes exactly what she did & what happened, I'll be here for her too. And I welcome that day. Some day I hope to be able to tell her I love her & I thank her.

In the meantime, I'll take care of this one. And I will do it proudly.

Below is my Mercedes, showing me at 9 months old she knows exactly what to do when I pull out my camera. The wrinkled nose is new. ♥

I never knew how big my heart was until I was blessed with infertility. I never knew the depth of loving someone until four little people came into my life.

I am one of the richest, most blessed girls in the world. God gets all the glory.

We are rich.

I haven't posted about Galveston. I haven't posted about Ike. Like you, we too sat & watched in horror. I was actually up @ 2:00 a.m. faithfully watching FOX news when Ike hit. It's unbelievable what Mother Nature is capable of. Her power. Her destruction. Her devastation left behind. I see the photos & videos & it's hard to believe we were just there a month ago. We vacation there frequently & it's most definitely one of our favorite places, not to mention close to home. I love Galveston. I always have. I always will.
Every day @ 12:00 I watch the news while I feed lunch. They typically have updates on Galveston & surrounding areas. Today I sat frozen while they interviewed a mother & her teenage mentally challenged son. Today I cried in front of my children.

They stayed behind. They didn't evacuate. On one hand it makes me so angry & I just want to shout at the tv "LEAVE!" On the other hand, I could see the love in her eyes. They live in a government housing apartment. It is her home. She just kept repeating "but it's home". My heart broke.

The water rose to chest level in their apartment. Daily they are walking 6 miles to the Community Center to receive ice & a little food. She pulls a grocery basket. Her son rode his bike, but his tire blew out so he abandoned it on the side of the road. Today they received enough food to last for today & 1/2 day tomorrow. So tomorrow they again walk the 6 miles to get more. Her health is not good. She carries a small inhaler in her pocket as they walk to & fro. They have no water. No electricity. No air. No anything. Just each other. ABC's reporter kept telling her "but you can't stay here". She replied "but it's my home". They offered her assistance. She said they'd "be ok".

I wish I could go get her & her son & bring them home. To our home. I would. We could do it. We could take them in. We could help them. But of course I couldn't get to her & she wouldn't come anyway. And that makes me even more sad.

It's a good thing we are not wealthy. Monetarily speaking. I would give probably 75% of our riches away. To those who need help. To those that are hurting. To those who have lost everything due to situations such as Ike. And Katrina. And the list goes on.

But we are rich. So are you. We have homes. We have electricity & the necesseties we need to live. It doesn't take a lot of money to be rich. If we have what we need to live, we are rich. We are so, so rich.

My dad has been in jail now for 3 weeks. I have tried so hard to 'handle' it. But I don't know how much longer I can. He's 68 years old. His health is bad. He can't walk well due to back issues. And he's in a place with 4,000 other criminals. The thought of someone hurting him is more than I can stand to think about.

I think my emotions are running high. When I watched the news today it all came to a head. I feel defeated. And right now I may be defeated, but I am oh so blessed. And I will not lose sight of that.

Adultery.

Many would tell you this is an extremely hot topic for me. It most certainly is.

Warning: rough ride ahead. I call 'em as I see 'em.

You see, I was raised witnessing adultery first hand. My dad had numerous affairs while married to & living with my mother, as well as his children (that would be me). I remember well the first time I met my dad's 'mistress'. I was 13 years old. My dad always had boats - my boyfriend & myself went to the lake one day to meet my dad (my mother never went out on the boats) & go out in the boat. As soon as the boat got closer to the dock we were standing on, I spotted her. Her & her two children. In the boat, with my father. I distinctly remember looking at my boyfriend & saying "who in the hell is that?!" I'm sure my dad had many girlfriends before her (or maybe not, not sure) but she is the first one I was aware of. Anyway, my dad pulled up to the dock & we climbed in the boat. Of course I was introduced to his "business associate" & her children. She was a pretty redhead, much more attractive than my mother (truth hurts), she was soft spoken, quiet & friendly. Her children, I believe, were as shocked as I was & didn't speak much. Neither did I.

Francis was in our lives for a couple of years. Or more. Can't remember. Every time my grandparents (my dad's pathetic parents) came into town, believe it or not they would stay at my dad's girlfriend's house, & if we (myself & brothers) wanted to see them, we had to go to her house. I never did. My brothers did. From that moment on - I hated them.

There were times that my mother would leave for work, Francis would come to our home, cook dinner, clean up the dishes & leave, & then my mother would arrive home from work. Unbelievable. Unbelievable that 1.) she did it & 2.) my father subjected his childen to this kind of trashy behavior. But he did. My girlfriend used to ask me "why don't you tell your mom what your dad is doing?" I'm sure my mother already knew what my dad was doing, but I would look at my friend & say "how do you look at your mother & rip her heart out?" I never said a word to my mom & of course she never said a word either. My dad would disappear for days & then resurface. We all knew where he was. Unfortunately, that was our life.

During this time my dad did everything in his power to get my mom & us to leave. But we had no where to go. I remember bathing with snails/slugs because he wouldn't do anything to the house to help us improve it. I remember our kitchen being completely embossed with cockroaches, our counters were almost black. Filth. Disgust. We lived with it because again, we had no where to go. My dad owned 5 cars & wouldn't let my mom drive any of them. Fortunately at that time my mom's parents stepped in & gave my mom a car. A car with no a/c, because they live up north. So my poor mom drove a car, in Texas, in 105+ summer heat, with no a/c. All the while my dad drove his Cadillac & cute little Mustang, among the others. Within time my mom purchased a mobile home & got us the hell out of there & that mess.

Francis eventually passed away from cancer. I felt bad for her children as they had no one - their dad had passed away years prior in a plane crash. Her kids were adopted, so they didn't really have many relatives. Francis' daughter & I, get this, actually became sisters-in-law down the road, as we married brothers. She then became one of my closest friends & I still love her to this day. I get so excited when I get to see her. We never, not one time, ever spoke of the affair. Never. Our lives had moved on.

Many years later, I meet my husband. Low & behold, his family too was distroyed by adultery. His mother had an affair while married. I remember the first time I met her - we ran to the store for something & she nonchalantly told me about it. She blamed the affair on hubby's dad. Whatever. Or should I say, bullshit. I don't buy crap like that. When you're a grown adult, you are completely responsible for the choices you make. Take responsibility & stop blaming others for your poor choices.

And now we have this. This nasty, disgusting, pathetic, lying sack of crap, known as John Edwards. There is no way, & no reason, to sugarcoat it - he's trash. And he could have been our President, y'all! Sweet. I don't know if you've been keeping up with this scandal & all of this monster's lies, but he's digging himself a bigger hole by the day. And now his mistress' sister is speaking out. He's a frickin' lying jerk. But the worst part about all of this is his wife who is dying, & his children. And of course, his newest baby girl that he is too ashamed & embarrassed to claim. It is absolutely heartbreaking what this family has gone thru & for what is yet to come. Innocent people whose hearts are being ripped out & lives torn apart; & not to mention, all of the humiliation they must endure along the way. I feel so, so incredibly sad for them. They are living a life of hell that no one deserves to live. And his wife is going to pass away under these horrific circumstances! That is just unforgivable. Absolutely unforgivable.

I don't get adultery. I don't understand it. Every home has a door. For crying out loud - leave! Pack up & leave before you result to killing the last ounce of dignity your spouse will have left. Walk out the frickin' door before you cheat. Why & how do people stay? Do they honestly think that by staying, that will make things all better? How do they climb in bed with their spouse while committing such a despicable act? We all know how many do it. My dad sure did. And his life was pretty darn grand. But the truth is, it wasn't. It just looked like it was - on the outside. I'm pretty sure he was dying on the inside. But he made his choice.

Yes, I certainly could write a book. I've actually thought about it. Ha! But I'm pretty positive my events aren't nearly as interesting as some others'. Admist all the turmoil mentioned above, my brother's new girlfriend had an ex-boyfriend that committed suicide, I dropped out of drill team when I could have went so far, so far as winning a scholarship, my grades went from A's to D's & I barely got my cap & gown (no I didn't get my cap & gown when all my friends did) & graduated, my dad tried to 'catch' me & beat the crap out of me all the while chasing me calling me a slut (I was 12, maybe? Had no clue what the word even meant), my oldest brother entered the Army to escape all the hell we were living, I married & divorced 3 times by the time I was 24, I was abused by my husbands (& my father) not only verbally, but emotionally & physically as well including having a knife held an inch from my face, I've encountered a stalker (still don't really buy that one but everyone keeps telling me), almost kidnapped, blah, blah, blah (meaning a whole lot more). My life was very interesting, yet extremely sad at the same time. And now you know why I'm a little 'different' from some others out there - I typically have a different perspective than others do. I can't & won't apologize for that. It has gotten my where I am today & I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

And now, thanks to God above, I enjoy & relish in my beautiful bliss. Ü