I finally have peace.

The one year anniversary is quickly approching. The one year anniversary since I was abruptly removed from the Grace Girls. I'm still extremely sad.

There are 2 or 3 (or more?) girls on the board who still have not forgiven me. Forgiven me for being human, forgiven me for using my blog to vent my hurt, forgiven me after all of my apologies. I just could not figure this out (must be that ocd thing ;). Oh yes, I said some horrible things on my blog. My blog was my escape & a place for me to vent. My vents were typed in the heat of the moment. But I apologized. Again. And again. Why am I not worthy of being forgiven? I've tried so hard to become their friend again. I failed.

I've recently googled 'people who don't forgive' just to see what I could find. Interesting. I also looked up verses in the Bible regarding forgiveness. Do you know how many verses regarding forgiveness are in the Bible? Whoa! I've prayed about this for almost one solid year.

Finally - now I know. It's not me, it's them.

I did what I know I should. I did what I was convicted to do & I take that very seriously. I apologized & tried to make it right. I am now content knowing the fact that I fessed up & made the appropriate/proper/mature choice to apologize. What more can I do?

So now I have peace. Thankfully God revealed to me that there is nothing more I can do. And I smile because now that it's all over, I took the high road. Even after my mistakes. I have no problem admitting I made mistakes. I made plenty. And I then I apologized numerous times.

You can't change people & you can't make people forgive. It's that simple. All one can do is pray & let God do the work. I'm so thankful He informed me that this is no longer my problem. It is theirs.

I still miss the girls like crazy. Who knows, maybe someday I will receive an email. Maybe someday they will forgive me. I would love that. Maybe someday. :)

Rollin' rollin' rollin' :)

"Mommy tells me I'm so pretty. Now, wanna see me roll? Ok! On your mark..."

"Get set..."

"Here I roll! Tada!" :)

"Ok, again? Assume the position!"

"Roll! Gotta cover my eyes 'cause the light is kinda bright." :)

"See, I have really good head control. I'm growing up already! Mom is so proud of me."


"And here, well, I'm just cute!" :)

"Look at my hair! Mom just loves it! She says it's pretty just like me!" :)

"Gotta run, time for my medicine!" :)

She did it!

We have a roll'er! Tummy to back. I'll try to get photos this weekend. Big garage sale tomorrow.

Big, big girl. :)

(I set her right down & she did it again. lol I got photos already! I'll try to get better ones. Quite honestly, since her reflux is SO severe, I kinda wish she wasn't rolling yet. Not to mention she's just too darn little! 15 weeks. :)

Kidbits.

Bentley to hubby: I can't do that right now because if I do, I won't have time to read my damn book!

Uh huh.

Alrighty then!

DWTS - Did you see this????

DID YOU SEE THIS LAST NIGHT??????

Oh my stars! Amazing, simply amazing! There was lots of yelling & clapping & hoopin' & hollerin' (again) going on in our home last night! I tell you what, I am dying to see Mark in the Freestyle. They have got to make it that far. His choreography is phenomenal - I can't wait to see what he can do with no rules. I think possibly Jason & Edyta and/or Mario & Karina could make the finals too. Cris-ti-an & Cheryl are good too but I'm not convinced Cris-ti-an can swing till the end.

I'm getting a little perturbed @ the judges for being so hard on Marlee. All of their critiques are the same "you are such an inspiration to others". Yea, no joke! Of course she's not perfect. She can't hear! Couldn't they say something like "so you missed a beat here or there, but I thought it was fantastic!" or something along those lines. I'm sure she's tired of 'hearing' the same stuff over & over. I feel bad for her. I think she may be leaving tonight solely because of her performances. I think she has done an outstanding job & she hung in there.

Derek & Shannon - uh - she's 34 & he's 22. Hmm. Publicity stunt for votes, maybe? Surely not.

Marissa - oh Katie I know you love her. I enjoy her although her energy wears me out. Tony seems to have a lot of patience w/ her. At the beginning I felt like I needed a stiff drink after watching her. She is calming down somewhat & her scores are definitely improving. Now I am one bubbly person - but she has me beat 50x over! She's cute none-the-less & I'm so happy for her becoming a mom after being a cancer survivor. :)

That's all I can think of for now. You're welcome. Haha! :)

You know they're growing up when.

They go fishing with dad. :)

Blah!

Ever have the kind of day when you really don't want life to happen? I'm having that day. And I NEVER have those days.

I noticed yesterday I wasn't feeling well. Last night was sleepless due to no air flow thru my nose. I hate that! As I drifted in & out of sleep, I was awoke at exactly 4:24 A.M. to two boys singing "chicka bow wow chicka bow wow...Dave likes to wear - dirty underwear, Dave likes to wear - dirty underwear". I almost committed murder at 4:24 A.M. Two little people better be counting their blessings that I didn't.

I had to be up at 6:50 to get Bentley ready for school. Lunch packed, blah, blah, blah. It was not a good morning in our home this morning. Dropped Bents at school, went to Sonic (thank the Lord), stopped at Chevron & picked up some really healthy chocolate donuts for C & C. Came home fed them & baby C. Placed C & C in front of some really educational tv called Playhouse Disney.

Baby C finally fell asleep. Thank the Lord again! I kept shouting at her "can't you be Lily for just one darn tootin' day?" (Katie will get that...lol) Lord have mercy, she must have said ok! I laid down. At that time I stopped up so bad - I could not breathe one ioda - I literally started freaking out.

I call husband.

"Hubby, I can't breathe, I think I need to go to the hospital. I'm hyperventilating & I think I'm suffocating."

Hubby: Calm down, grab a plastic bag & breathe into it. (does that really work?) Turn the shower on hot & grab some Vicks out of my drawer & put it in your nose (in the nose?).

Me: I gotta go, I gotta go, I can't breathe!

Forget the plastic bag (was that a trick? I thought you weren't supposed to put plastic on or around your face/head? Oh heavens he's trying to kill me...so I ignored the plastic bag part) I go turn on hot shower & grab the Vicks that EXPIRED in 2003! What the heck? I use it anyway.

Call dr.'s office.

"I have to get in today. I cannot breathe, I'm freaking out & I'm hyperventilating. I think I need to go to the hospital."

Them: She can see you on Monday. Do you have tightening in your chest?

Me: I'll be dead by Monday. I don't have tightening in my chest. Can someone else see me?

They squeezed me in. In the meantime, I call hubby & inform him he must come home, I have got to get to the dr! He's not a happy camper. He has customers in town. I don't give a flyin' flip! I'm suffocating! While we bicker, I rummage thru the house trying to locate any & all nose sprays I can find - that is what the nurse suggested I use until I could get in.

I find some Ocean spray of Bentley's. I cleaned it off. Yes, I do that even while I am dying. I spray. And I spray. And I spray. What did it matter if I od'd? I was suffocating anyway.

Wow. Instant relief. That's all I needed? Nose spray? Well good Lord. I call & cancel the appointment. Phone hubby & tell him to head back to work (& proceeded to call him a few choice names for being mean). All is well in the world again.

Now I'm going to go lay down for 30 minutes then it's back off to school to pick up my Bentley. And I'm telling you if he's singing anything...

See you in a few days. Feel free to continue life without me. :)

Quote.

Just found this. I withheld the author intentionally.

"If you don't find God in the next person you meet, it is a waste of time looking for him further."

What do you think this quote is actually saying?

He's caught in the middle - part 2

The phone conversation(s) Mitch had yesterday with our district:

Husband: I would like to speak w/ someone regarding a survey that was sent out at my son's elementary school.

Them: I don't know anything about a survey, it must be the planning committee. I'll transfer you.

Husband: I would like to speak w/ someone regarding a survey that was sent out at my son's elementary school.

Them: I don't know anything about a survey, it must be the safety & security committee. I'll transfer you.

Husband: I would like to speak w/ someone regarding a survey that was sent out at my son's elementary school.

Them: I don't know anything about a survey, it must be the communications committee. I'll transfer you.

LOLOL!

See what we're dealing with? Long story short - someone finally called him back & this survey was issued by our CITY. I think the proper thing to do would have been to attach a note explaining the survey & stating the form does not need to be filled out - it's completely voluntary but if parents have the time, they would appreciate the form back. With our district though, that's just too much to ask for. And Bentley was instructed by his teacher to tell the parents the form is mandatory. The survey is about SIDEWALKS for crying out loud!

Did I ever tell you about the 5,000 fundraisers Bentley gets sent home with? Ugh. So usually we do participate (if it's something worth while). The last one, was a sale for flowerbulbs. Cute! Loved them. We sold quite a bit. The order came in. The order was short the amount of bulbs we had sold. No note (shocker, I know). I call the school. "Oh yeah, they ran out of those particular bulbs." Hey, thanks for letting me know. I then said "ok, I'd just like to get our money back please so I can refund the people who bought them." Response? "Oh sorry, we don't give refunds." Yep, yep, yep. Huh? Hubby & I took our own personal money & paid the people back who had bought the bulbs. Can you believe that? The money came out of our pocket! I had to pay those people back! No refunds when it's their fault? Now that's absurd! Never again will we participate in a fundraiser.

Referring back to yesterday's post, keep in mind that Bentley gets sent home with so much paperwork, I am totally unable to go thru it all. It is unreal. I just found the form that stated his class photo was taken 2 weeks ago! The amount of paperwork sent home is ridiculous. I don't know how the parents that work full time do it! I must say...they don't. I've been told & I 'see' it when certain things are due. I'm not the only one fed up w/ my life & precious time revolving around a school district. In actuality, it is our district that is putting the children in the middle. Every other day it's CiCi's Pizza night! After that it's Chick-Fil-A night! And McDonald's night! It is not even remotely feasible people can do/attend all this junk! And it cost money! A lot of families are on a very tight budget & this is so unfair to the children.

95% of the paperwork of course, I complete. Of course. I don't mind one bit, depending on what it is. Completing what is sent home is teaching my son responsibility. That said, my children will be brought up to understand that some things need to be completed, some things do not. They will be taught when 'enough is enough' & unnecessary things that begin to take away from family time will not be completed. My children will be taught that sometimes you just have to draw a line & move on. People take advantage. Repetitive, unimportant, non-school related items are proof to Bentley that this is the time to draw that line. Welcome to life! :)

Regarding yesterday's deleted comment - it was a tad rude & a tad not rude. Does that make sense? More importantly it was insensitive, unappreciated & unvalidated. That was the reason(s) the comment was deleted. I do not need to be attacked when I am trying to make an extremely important (& difficult) decision while taking into account my child's very important feelings. That was my first ever comment I felt the need to delete. Boo!

7 1/2 weeks of school left! But whose counting? :)

Now let's move on! :)

He's caught in the middle.

I suggest you don't read if you don't want to 'hear' me complain about public school. I think I have just about had enough but I'll continue to blog about it for my own future reference.

Yesterday, Bentley comes home & says "you have homework". Now excuse me, I'm 40 years old, done with my schooling - no, I don't have homework. Never again will I have homework. Obviously, Bent's teacher told her class that their parents have some homework tonight.

What he is referring to is a long survey about children walking or riding a bike to school. Big whoop. I don't care, & I won't do it. It doesn't apply to us & it never will (we live too far from the school). The survey will go directly in the trash. I didn't tell Bentley that - I just told him I'd look at it later. He reminded me all evening "you have homework". Sometimes I think he is brainwashed by a flippin' school district.

This a.m. when I got up, Bentley had sifted thru my 'work' pile (which is a huge no-no) & pulled out my 'homework'. He put it smack dab on top so I would see it first. He is adamant I complete that dadgum survey. I now realize my cutey son is stuck in the middle of a dictating school district & a mean mommy who won't comply. I feel bad for him.

Last week Bentley was sent home with his...may I just say...'phenomenal' report card. Can you tell I'm so proud of him? :) Like a good servant, I signed where I needed to sign & returned it. I have no problem signing to prove I did indeed see it. The next day, he brought it home again. "You forgot to sign the envelope". What? I signed the darn report card where I was supposed to! Screw the envelope! (Yes I'm getting a little testy :) I don't have time for stupid, repetitive crap. I then told Bentley I would not sign in. Husband rolled his eyes at me, as sometimes I think he thinks I should jump thru every dadgum hoop I am instructed to jump (or he wants me to for Bent's sake). I signed the report card, why do I need to sign it again/an envelope? Of course Bentley's face dropped to disappointment & that gets me every time. I grabbed the $%^!&@ envelope, grabbed my pen & scribbled jibberish (which is quite obvious as I have pretty impeccable handwriting - so believe me, they got the point) on the line I was to sign my name on. We returned it again. I guess my scribbles sufficed as he has not brought it home again.

The church we are considering joining, from what I'm told, has an amazing homeschool support group. This church is extremely organized & professional so that news doesn't surprise me one bit. Homeschool is so popular here where we live & I think that will work for our benefit.

8 weeks of school left. I have never been so excited to see something END! I swear to you I am counting the days.

**Husband just called to say he read the survey this a.m. He agreed to trash it but he also said he is just livid (um...yay! It's about time!). Evidently, the last question on the survey is "what grade level did you complete?" He says he's calling the district. This nonsense survey might just work on my behalf after all. :)

It's now 10:05 a.m. here & everyone is just now waking up. What gives? Time to feed some tiny tykes & then off to run errands.

Oh, & in case you've already forgotten - 8 WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT! Yeehaw! :)

**You see, the delete button rocks. I have a certain someone who constantly deletes my comments, & my comments are no where near insulting. I have the same ability. :)

What you, Ms. 'Anonymous', isn't aware of is that I used to have another blog. It clearly stated the majority (but not all) of the issues we've had with OUR district, but I don't have those posts copied over to this new blog. Not that I have to explain, but what the heck. We've had severe issues with OUR district from day 1 in Kindergarten. Issues that began with my child hurt, crying & bleeding on the playground & no one cared & sent him to the nurse...all the way to my kindergartener having 7 pages of homework & the list goes on. And on. :)

If you, Ms. 'Anonymous', were to read all of my posts, you would certainly know that I have stated I do believe it is OUR district that has the issue(s), not public school in general. And it's very rare that I am discussing teachers. Although I have, but those issues have been addressed & rectified. Typically I speak of OUR Public School District.

I have a sister-in-law who teaches in public school (another district) & she does the most fabulous job ever. She is highly respected as a teacher & a person. She has helped me tremendously regarding homeschool & OUR district's issues. I happen to be one who respects her. I also have another friend who is a public school teacher (again, not in OUR district) & she too is amazing. Unfortunately, the teachers don't make the rules. They abide by them. And many teachers (although not all) are assets to a district. And, as a matter of fact, I dearly love Bentley's teacher. She's a doll & she is very good to my son. :)

Pulling my son out of school is one of the most important decisions I could make. I will take whatever time is necessary to be sure I make the best possible decision. It's not about "threatening" to take him out of school - it's about taking the time, praying, researching, asking questions, gathering information & the like to be sure removing him from public school (in OUR district) will benefit him & our family. Decisions such as these NEVER should be hastey, but long & thought out. Period.

Rude, hateful, insensitive, unappreciated, unvalidated & insulting comments won't be allowed on my blog. It's quite a simple fix really - stop reading my blog if it upsets you. Information that is disturbing to me (regarding any topic) is documented on my blog for my future reference. I'm not your 'typical joe' & I don't have a passive personality. I absolutely will not apologize for that. I am my own person, I have my own thoughts. I am a unique person, created by God, to be my own individual. I am 100% pure & authentic. :) Therefore, if something on my blog is bothersome to you, please don't read it & certainly don't leave your tacky comments.

In other news, hubby did indeed phone the school district. I had no prompting in that what-so-ever. :) The run around he received is quite funny. I'll post that later tonight. Just another point that proves OUR district is screwed up. :)

Dusty.

Did I ever tell you the hospital nicknamed our Mercedes "Dusty"? I was actually surprised when I saw the 'I'm A Girl!' card in her newborn bassinet at the hospital. The top of it clearly read "Dusty" & then listed her newborn stats. When I asked the nurse, she informed me that since Mercedes' birthmother just wanted her "gone" (enter lots of gulps here) & didn't give her a name, one of the nurses nicknamed her. I don't know how that particular nurse came up with the name. I still have mixed emotions about the nickname. But none the less, sometimes I'll call her Dusty. :)

Here's another photo of her pout. Oh yeah, she lays it on thick. She is so adorable! She's now 14 weeks old. :)

DWTS fanatics!

Kat - yes I want to blog about DWTS but I haven't had the chance! Girl I am so addicted to this show it is not even funny! Seriously! I plan my Mondays & Tuesdays around this show! They should give me free tickets or somethin'. :)

I will say this much - I do not think the couples are randomly paired. Hubby does - I say no way. I think these couples are stratigically paired. The producers know exactly what they are doing when they match the celebrity with the pro.

For example - Julianne has now won twice. They knocked her back a few by pairing her with an idiot, I mean guy, who more than likely would not make the finals.

Mark & Derek are hot, hot, hot right now - I think partly thanks to last year & also their band. Nice boost for DWTS ratings. Notice they both got cutey girls who both have potential to win. Also note that now Mark is in a relationship w/ Sabrina & he got the married celebrity. Derek did not.

I have more to say but - Mark & Derek have amazing choreography & I can't wait to see it every week. I am really love with Edyta...such a sweet soul...love her constant smiles & I think Karina is a real snob. lol! Priscilla is really impressing me but it pains me to look at her face (she paid to have it screwed up, why doesn't she pay to have it fixed? Fear?).

See, I could go on & on! More later! :)

Mama!

Yep, she said it. Now I know what you're thinking. No possible way. She's only 14 weeks old today. I hear ya. I agree. I have three other children so I know when they start saying words. And it's not 14 weeks old! :)

However, I have a witness! I wasn't even holding her when she said "mama", hubby was! Holy cow, he about fell out of the glider! I was in the kitchen & I heard her as clear as day. All the other children heard her too. Yep. Amazing! I say "mamamama" to her constantly. Hubby told me days ago she is trying to mimic me (got that on video) & I disagreed. Uh huh! She said it! This baby is one heck of a talker (got that on video too) - she 'll talk to anyone or anything. She's particularly fond of our wallpaper. :) She's practically sitting up on her own (we can't keep her laying flat for anything unless she's asleep which isn't often!) & she's trying with all her fat little self to roll over. I don't know. All I know is she said MAMA! :)

I have a new camcorder now so I can post videos to my blog. Hopefully I can post some soon. Go ahead - call me crazy. But I have a witness! :) :)

Bittersweet 7.

On Sunday, my Bentley turned 7. I guess from here on out all of my children's birthdays will be referred to as 'bittersweet'. I can't stand it. I hate it. I find it so fun & so interesting to watch my children develop into little people. But the thought of them growing up & moving on is more than I care to think about. I guess I thought they'd be with me forever. One can hope. :) I'm sure by age 15 my thought process will probably be different. :) However, I'm not the typical "gripe & complain about my children" mom so my thought process probably won't be different. I'm proud of that! :)

Bents had a fun day filled with Incredible Pizza, gifts, cards & an ice cream cake. We made it 7 whopping years without one single video game. This year, due to his pleas, we caved. He loves his new Gameboy or whatever the heck it is. :)

I'm beginning to be guilt stricken that Bentley has never had a birthday party. (Except when he turned one year old.) Next year - that has got to change. I have no clue who to invite since I have no family. Possibly his schoolmates if he is still enrolled in public school or friends from church. I know he will be so excited to have a 'real' birthday party so I will indeed make it happen. Somehow, someway. That's what us moms do. :)

My 7 year old Bentley. My 5 lbs. 13 oz. preemie baby. He is absolutely a wonderful person, inside & out. I love him. I cherish him. I adore him. I am so very proud of him. He is one determined, strong-willed little boy who is extremely hard headed (like his mom, you say? :). We have lots of hurdles to jump because of this & I'm honored to be the chosen one to jump them with him. Without a doubt, he will blossom far into life. And since I can't stop him from growing, I'll sit back & watch as he develops into an amazing young man. And I will enjoy every single minute along the way. :)

Gotta love his goofy faces. :) I used to scold him out of frustration (when I wanted the perfect photo), but I have finally realized his silly faces are part of him & who he is. Now I welcome them. :)

In the above photo you can see (a tad) how red his face & ears are. That's the Fifth's Disease. Yesterday when I picked him up from school it had kicked into high gear. His arms & hands were awful! He has the rash all over but it has really intensified which I do not like. Audi woke up with Fifth's Disease the day after Bents was diagnosed. Oy! :)

Happy Birthday to my beautiful boy. :)

Kidbits.

Bentley has been practicing his list of words for a Spelling Bee. Tough words for a 1st grader, I might add. :) Husband retrieved him early from school today as he has a rash & is headed to the dr. Anyway, Bents comes right in & says this:

Bentley: Mom, everyone had to take the written test. If you got all words correct, numbers 1-20, then 21 on are bonus words. I spelled this & this & this (pointing to words on the list) wrong on purpose.

Me: Why?

Bents: 'Cause I didn't want to enter the Spelling Bee.

LOL! Smart boy!

Alrighty then!

Bittersweet birthday on Sunday - my 'baby' turns 7.

**Holy cow - Bentley has Fifth's Disease!

I figured it was a virus. It is. I knew the rash was under his skin, not on it. It is. I knew it looked as if someone hit him in the face yesterday! That is exactly how the ped. described it. That's how it starts. I'm so stinkin' smart. :)

Now everyone's probably going to get it & it can last for 2 weeks. DANG public school!!!!! :(

12 1/2 weeks.

I got it! Her pout is precious! This is not a good 'capture' - I'll try to get a better one. :)

This baby is something else. She has had amazing head control from day one. We rarely supported her head - maybe for the first 2 weeks, if that. We received tons of comments regarding her head control (many before she was 2 weeks old, the pediatrican noticed right away & even the Endocrin commented again today). For the past several weeks, all she wants to do is sit up. Big girl. So I bought her a Bumbo chair! Oh my it is so adorable & she loves it! Here she is watching Dancing with the Stars. LOL! That's MY girl! :)

I took these (below) tonight at dinner. We sit her on the table with us. So cute! :) I have given up on dressing her. Her reflux is completely out of control (so out of control that I will be returning most of the clothes I just bought her & I'll purchase the next size up...hopefully the reflux will be calming down by then). Hubby & I have determined her reflux is actually worse than Audi's was. And he had it b.a.d. so that gives you some idea of her issue. This is now how you will find her (unless going out, of course). Onesie, bib, burp cloth. She is a hugger of her burp cloths which melts my heart. She loves them. She cuddles them. So she is never without one. :)

Here she is looking admiringly at daddy. :)

"This daddy guy - he's so funny! I just love him." :)

I am still very exhausted. Go figure! We still have so much to do here on the homefront -we yet again switched the children's bedrooms (I'm surprised hubby hasn't divorced me yet :) & so we are diligently trying to get those together. My darling Mercedes sleeps NONE during the day. Maybe, maybe two 30 minute naps. She is so tired it's unreal. She rubs her eyes & will do anything to keep from falling asleep. She actually had little bags under her eyes the other day.

Audi for the first-time-ever-in-life is my most difficult child - he now rooms with Bentley & he creates more turmoil than peace. Not fun. So he now sleeps on our bedroom floor which means...yes...he doesn't sleep & results in difficult days. We have no choice at this point but to have him sleep in our room because Bentley has insomnia which we are finally make leeway on! Yay! I cannot let Audi interfere with his progress.

With Miss Mercedes spitting up so incredibly much - I am on my toes to catch it & it's a challenge to keep her, her clothes & her face dry (as well as myself). Tonight alone we went thru 6 bibs in 20 minutes. I know. Awful. I am washing clothes non-stop. That said, she had another Endocrin appointment today & weighs 13 lbs. 2 oz. She's doing super! It's amazing how babies still gain adequate weight while spitting so much up. Her lab work should be back in a day or so & I'm praying with her reflux she is indeed keeping down her thyroid medication. So we'll see.

Now I'm off to do - well - I'm sure I'll find something! :)

Shopping for 4.

Actually, this is more like shopping for two. Two cute girls. :) The boys are on overload clothes-wise so they only got a few items this trip. The worst part? Cutting off all the tags! What a chore to have though, heh? Thanking the Lord I have four beautiful, amazing children to buy clothes for! :)