All I want for Christmas - is a new family.

Excuse me 'while I whine' post.

Such a wake up call for me. I guess I'm so used to it I don't really pay attention or focus. For some reason I currently am focusing, though. Typically I do during the Holidays & it gets more magnifide the older I get.

Before I rant, let me say that my brother & sister-in-law always mail my children Christmas & Birthday gifts. This is the first year they are unable to do so, & I completely understand. This post excludes them.

But I have more family. A mother, a father (both of those terms used loosely because quite honestly, neither of them deserve the title), a step-mother who is still married to my father meaning she is still my children's grandmother, my oldest brother (who has never seen my children & will have nothing to do with me because we had a 'falling out' when I was Baptised), one Aunt, two Uncles, & 4 cousins. My Aunt, one Uncle & cousins I haven't seen or spoken with in years. And it flat out hurts my heart. But there is strife between my father & his brother & there's not a darn thing I can do about it. I sent my cousin an email a month or so ago, saying hello, & never got a response. I just need to let it go.

Yes my family is small. At times like this, I realize exactly how small my family is. My husband's family is huge, they all have excellent relationships & to tell the truth, I'm extremely jealous. Sometimes I get sick & tired of being around all of 'them'. And NEVER around or with my family. Once a year, at the most, & even then I feel as if me & my family are intruding.

My other Uncle, who is my mother's brother, lives in CA. I hardly ever see him. Haven't seen him in years, as a matter of fact. However, at Christmas time, he consistently mails my children Christmas gifts (we mail him a gift, as well). As well as a little something for my husband & myself. I think I have taken him for granted & as of 30 minutes ago, I had a reality check. I sent him an email & let him know how very much we appreciate him & all he has done for us/my children. From my heart I appreciate him & all he does & never again will he get overlooked.

For Christmas, my children received nothing from any of my family (except for the Uncle above). Not even a Christmas card. Not even a Christmas card from my own mother! I know not everyone can afford gifts & of anyone out there, I understand that. I am not a materialistic person (PTL - I consider that a blessing). But I do know Hallmark carries a line of cards for .99 cents. Add a stamp. Not even a card for Christmas? What about a phone call? They all have phones. So do we. Nothing.

And now it's birthday time for Audi, Jags & Mercedes. Ditto above. Nothing. I have a stack sitting here of gifts and/or cards to my children for their birthdays. All from hubby's family. Not one single, tiny gift or birthday card to them from a family member of mine. Phone hasn't rang. I doubt it will. Celebrations will carry on.

There is nothing else I can say other than it is utterly & absolutely heartwrenching. It hurts. It makes me extremely sad, but more importantly, as a mom, I hurt for my children. They are innocent. They are young. And they all know I have family. And they get not so much as a Happy Birthday phone call. A simple, 5 minute phone call.

I speak the truth when I say I would like to find a new family. I know it will never happen. But it would be a dream come true to find someone who truly loves me, my husband & my children. And would treat us like they do. I don't care that they would not be biological - love builds a family, not blood.

This too shall pass. Or will it ever? I suppose the hurt will never go away.

Blessings to you & all of your loved ones. Wish them Happy New Year, & tell them you love them.

Thank you for blessing me with your friendships. And please know, you are such a blessing to me!

2009 will be a great year!