I need a sedative.

Or maybe I don't. I don't know. I've never had one. What I do know is that I have adrenaline rushing thru my body. Or it could be nerves. Stress. Anxiety.

Today was Mercedes' Endocrinologist appointment. Now that she is one, she goes every 3 months & has labwork at the same time. The dr. visit is fine - it's the labwork that bites. I've blogged before about how much I hate it. And that is a complete understatement.

The last time she had her blood drawn, it was relatively simple (as simple as it can be when poking a one year old). 'Simple' compared to all the other visits where it took poking & prodding over & over again to find her tiny veins, in numerous locations thruout her body.

Today was hell. Pure hell. They couldn't really locate any veins on her arms, so they started with the right arm first. The minute the girls even looked at Mercedes, she began to freak out. They hadn't even stuck her yet. Because Mercedes is so incredibly strong (everyone comments on her strength! And I'm not kidding you - it's unbelievable how strong she is!), it took two lab attendants plus myself to try to hold/secure her. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Mercedes ends up with bruising on her head, face, arms & legs because of the force we had to use. Anyway, they poked & prodded & dug around in her right arm & all through Mercedes' kicking & screaming & downright hysterics, they were successful at finding a vein. Only for the dadgum thing to blow right after hitting it.

So now we have to start all over on the left arm. Mercedes obviously became more tense (as if that was possible) & irate as they began the torturous procedure all over again. It took quite some time to locate a vein, & at one point I looked down & noticed the entire needle was in my Mercedes' arm - as far as it could go (usually they just enter the tip) - with a plastic apparatus stopping the needle at the skin. Mercedes was absolutey out of control. I couldn't hold her, the other 2 girls couldn't hold her, which of course made the attempt even more painful for her because her entire body was flapping around, doing anything she could to get the needle out of her arm & the pain to stop. Finally drop by drop they were able to begin filling the tube. Until it blew again. But they didn't pull the needle out - they just started, once again, poking & prodding trying to hit the vein again. By this time Mercedes was completely hysterical. She's trying to look me in face & flip over onto my chest, so she could lay down for comfort. All the while I'm doing everything in my power to soothe her. Like that was gonna help. She wasn't in distress this time. She was angry. Spitting mad.

Finally I had had enough & I shouted "Ok stop! Just stop!" The girls completely agreed & they immediately removed the needle. At that point I didn't give a crap if they had gotten any blood or not (they did, a tiny bit & they are going to submit it). By this time I was now furious. Not at the lab techs, just this stinkin' procedure itself that we have done for almost 1 1/2 years & still have 1 1/2 years to go!

I got Mercedes calmed down, until they went to put the dressing on her arms for bleeding purposes. Then it started all over again. She was so irate once again, that we decided to heck with it & went to remove the guaze & tape from both arms. She freaked out again & after we removed the tape, I actually sat in the chair for over 5 minutes trying to calm her down. It took quite some time for her to even catch her breath. After a few minutes myself & the two girls agreed we needed a beer. :) The lab tech who actually drew the blood was pretty much dripping with sweat & had to remove her lab coat. Good heavens! I felt bad for all parties involved. It was evident that all of us were disturbed.

There are no words that can possibly describe how horrendous this procedure is. For us it's quite simple - but certainly not for little ones. I am not a mother who can watch her children hurt. (Not many can, I'm sure.) I just can't take it. All the parents who have sick children in the hospital & have to witness procedures such as this be done to their children over & over & over...I don't know how they do it. God Bless them. I can't imagine. Honestly, I would need some sort of medication to stay calm.

Mercedes next Endocrin appointment is for the 1st of August. I've made a decision. We are not going - I'm cancelling! I'll explain.

First of all, for the entire 15 months of her life, the Endocrin has never had to adjust Mercedes' dosage of Levoxyl. Typically, they do (as the children grow and/or not receiving enough medication, etc.). But Mercedes' thryoid level has stayed so perfect (PTL), so consistent, that no adjustments have ever been necessary. Second, I never have missed one day of giving her her medication & I never will. On top of that, I have figured out a way to ensure she gets every drop of her dosage (which can be very tricky & is the reason some medication requires adjusting). Third, the Endocrinologist doesn't do 'anything', anyway. Just the usual dr. stuff & after I hand him $50, he sends us on our way. The most important part is the labwork to check her thyroid level - & because there has never been any changes - I don't anticipate them now. So, after I receive the results from today's test (I will wait on the results before making a final decision, just in case) & if the results are as I predict them to be, we will return in 6 months, not 3. And, the dr. gave me 6 refills of medication, so I'll have plenty to last until then. All that said, should there be an issue with her thyroid level this time, then of course we will make the scheduled visit in Aug. But again, I just don't foresee that happening. I'm just ready to help my Mercedes out all I can & if I can find a way to make her hurt one less time, by all means & without hesitation, I'm doing it.

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And because posts stink with no photo, I included one. :) This is the last photo I took of Piper. Here she is playing with Bentley as he flies his Airhog. I miss my Piper.