Insensitive.

Let's see if I can type this half legibly - I am emotionally zapped today but thought I would make some notes.

Yesterday Mercedes complained about her tummy again & right then I decided enough was enough. I phoned my dr. this a.m. to see if they did x-rays & they do - but they were going to have a nurse call me back so we could discuss 'if & why'. I waited 2 hours & they still hadn't phoned. I decided to go ahead & take her to Cook Children's because I know they do x-rays. I wanted x-rays done to rule out any abnormalities.

Got right in @ Cook's & saw the same crappy dr. we got the last time. Ugh! I stressed my concern(s) & immediately about Mercedes' tummy pains & the dr. gave the "oh don't be so silly" look. She performed a little physical on Mercedes & told me all felt fine - she figured we were just dealing with the gas/constipation thing (which is exactly what my friend was told time & time again & ultimately, her little girl had Stage 4 Neuroblastoma!). Nonetheless, she wanted to do a urine sample to check for an infection & then some x-rays to see inside. Cool. I was getting my x-rays regardless of what she thought of my "silly notions".

I couldn't get Mercedes to tinkle in a cup (a children's hospital with no changing table in the bathroom! I had to lay Mercedes on the cold, dirty floor to get her diaper back on! Are you kidding me?) so they had to catheretize her. I know what this is all about & I got so sad. Two nurses came in, Mercedes began to freak as they began their work, one nurse shouted "no kicking your legs!". Hello, she's 28 months old being confined. She's gonna kick. I consoled her the best I could & we got thru it.

Off to x-rays. Unlike past experiences, this time I was instructed I could not be in the room with Mercedes & I was sent out into the hall. I felt completely uncomfortable, but out I went. As my baby freaked out. I sat in the corridor listening to her fight, cry & scream "mommy!!! mommy!!!" because I was no where in sight, she had no idea what those nurses were going to do to her & they were strangers. I sat out in the corridor not knowing if I should barge thru the door or what. I sat there confused & hysterically cried all the while listening to my baby so helpless, screaming for me. This went on a good 10-15 minutes before they let her out. It was one of the worst experiences of my entire life & I'm not kidding.

I got her calmed down, we went back to the room & they gave both girls (Jaguar was with me) popsicles. The dr. came back in (a little nicer at this point) & said the x-rays confirmed what she thought - gas/constipation. Fine then. Even though she initially was agitated with me, I asked again about seeing any masses. By george be mad at me & think what you want - but answer my question. She said she saw no "shadows", but that a Radiologist would be viewing the scans, as well. That comforted me some & if no one calls, I shall put all of this (concerns about a mass) to rest, unless Mercedes' tummy issues continue. At least I have some peace that x-rays have been performed.

I am so very angry with myself that I let what happened to my baby transpire. Sometimes I just don't know what to do; I should have barged my fat butt in that darn room, grabbed my baby & headed for another facility. We seem to have the worst luck with physicians/medical facilities that I'm really getting irritated. And for my 28 month old baby to be put thru unnecessary stress that could have been avoided makes me furious. I have cried all afternoon - this has been so stressful.

I think I should have been allowed in that room, so at least my baby could have known mom was there. Maybe it would have helped, maybe it wouldn't have, but if nothing else, I could have offered her some sort of security since three (they called in another nurse) strangers were manhandling her, pinning her down & holding her down on a table. My baby is a person & she deserves better than that. Remember at the last drs. appointment, the nurse staring her directly in the face saying "Are you finished (crying) yet? Are you finished? Because I'll wait until you are." I'm tired of my baby being treated like crap! Stop it!

Tomorrow I'm filing a formal complaint.