You have another brother?

Conversation at dinner tonight.

Me: I do believe, wherever my other brother may be, he is having a birthday today.

Bentley: You have another brother?

Me: I do have another brother. Did you know I have an older brother?

Bents: No I didn't. A brother besides Uncle Craig?

Me: Yes. His name is Chris.

Bents: Is he my Uncle Chris?

Me: He is your Uncle Chris. Unfortunately, I have not seen nor spoke with him in seven years.

Bents: Oh. That's sad.

Yes my young son, it is terribly sad. I didn't relay that part to him. There is no way I will pass my burdens on to my son/children.

I don't think much about my older brother any more, as I am not "allowed" to know where he lives or even how he is doing. We had a falling out 7 years ago when I was Baptized. He has not spoken to me since. I assume it's because I'm now "one of them". He has never seen my children. I have no idea if he even knows their names.

He also will have nothing to do with Craig or my dad. I was not allowed to have his number to phone him in 2006 when my father was dying. All I (we) wanted to do was give him a respectful call letting him know dad's position. I didn't want to bother him, I didn't want to harrass him & I didn't want to know his business. I simply wanted to inform him. He didn't care.

I am now estranged from my mother, my father (again...that's another post) & my oldest brother. My mother does not send me birthday cards or Christmas cards, & she sends my children nothing. The last nasty message my dad left on my answering machine informed me that he would be happy to speak to my husband or my children, but not to me. He then told me never to phone him again. I haven't.

The only relative I have contact with is my brother Craig, his wife Christa, & their children. I love them so much. I do have my mother's brother (my Uncle...I haven't seen him in 10 or so years) that I email with every now & then. Sadly, I'll probably never see him again. On my dad's side I have another Aunt & Uncle, as well as four cousins & many second cousins, that I haven't seen or spoken with in over 25 years. Unfortunately, there was an over abundance of strife between my father & his brother & that was the end of that. I *think* I have three other cousins - but my dad's other brother committed suicide at a very young age so of course the families became separated & I've haven't seen them in over 35 years.

The older I get the more I realize the importance of family. I have four children now & it literally breaks my heart for them. On my side, they only know my brother & Christa & their family. On hubby's side, they are blessed enough to know his entire family, including Aunts, Uncles, cousins & 2nd & 3rd cousins. I actually (gulp) buy my children birthday & Christmas gifts & put my parents' names on them so my children don't feel left out & I don't have a lot of explaining to do. I'm not sure if it's to make them or myself feel better - so I just do it & refuse to decipher it.

I remember about a year ago, Kat & hubby were trying to adopt a baby. They had some failed situations & I remember her saying "can't I just have a baby already?" I know that feeling. I feel her pain on many levels. It gets harder for me every day & I'm not sure why...but I find myself asking "can't I just have a family already?"

Why does life have to be so hard? Why can't families love one another & treat each other with respect? Life is so damn short! Embrace it! Live it! Love it! Thank God for one another & for blessing you with family members! For crying out loud, be happy! Am I the only one who realizes there are so, so, so, so many wonderful families out there with deceased family members who would give anything they had to get them back? Even if for just one day. One minute. One moment. It makes me sad to know I have a healthy, alive family & everyone is estranged. It's pathetic & immature. Not to mention, out of my control.

For those of you who have wonderful, supportive families, please don't take it for granted. You probably don't think twice about it but for those of us with no one, we do think about it. And we are forever heartbroken & scarred. If I could make my dysfunctional family functional, I would in a heartbeat. But I can't.

Saying all that, I realize I can make a difference. I can choose how to live the beautiful life I have. I can dwell or I can thrive. I thank God I have the opportunity to raise 4 precious, little creatures & I have the opportunity to show them the world & let them know what love is. I'm going to seize my opportunity.

But the pain & sadness inside will never go away. Never.

Nine weeks old.

Where has the time gone? My girl is getting so big too fast. We cherish her. :)

"Miss January" :)

So peaceful. I love this photo - she's snuggling her burp cloth. Sweet. :)

Isn't she gorgeous? Her complexion is impeccable. :)

Can you see her tear? She's had crocodile tears from day one.

Sooooooooooo happy in daddy's arms. :)

Pretty in pink. She looks like a doll in this photo. Oh wait, she is a doll! :)

"Who are you & are you staying?"


The past week & 1/2 has been a little rough. For whatever reason, Mercedes started projectile vomiting every time she ate. It was awful! We were changing her clothes (& mine) non-stop & washing bunches. I was getting quite nervous because I didn't know what was causing it & I just knew our pediatrician was going to send us straight to a GI specialist. I did not want my baby to have to see another doctor!

Husband & I tried everything we could think of to rectify the issue. We tried feeding her more often, we tried feeding her less often. We tried feeding her more milk, we tried feeding her less milk. We tried feeding her warmer milk, we tried feeding her cooler milk. Nothing. Yesterday it dawned on me that this problem had been occurring about as long as she has been on the thyroid medication. It's already been established Mercedes has severe reflux (she had an upper GI at 2 days old) & she is on 2 medications to treat it. One is given 4 times a day, & one is given 2 times a day. I began to wonder if possibly one of the medications was not getting along well with the thyroid medication. And, if she's spitting up major, why give her the medication anyway? If it's not helping, why put it in her system? So yesterday I stopped the stronger reflux medication. Our pediatrician does not even prescribe this particular medication because of it's strength. It's the one given 4 times a day. So...the next time she was ready for that dose, I skipped it. Instant improvement! The feedings since that time have been wonderful. Thank goodness! Mercedes has her 2 month check up Wednesday so we'll see what our pediatrician says about this. All I know is...so far so good! :)

Hubby is sitting in Oklahoma tonight so I think I'll do some Ebay'ing & edit some photos. I take way too many photos. It's ridiculous really. :) And no, I don't have my new light kit because hubby & I are bickering over it. He wants the "best of the best"...I want something to get me by. Good grief. I have the rest of my studio all planned out though so I'm anxious to get going on it.

Off to bed early! Goodnight! :)

New banner.

You like? :)

I've been trying to get this done for weeks, but, um, (enter excuse here) I couldn't find any flowers I liked. lol! Better late than never! :)

Too funny not to share.

This did not happen to me. I won't reveal the name of the person who had this exciting experience, but hubby & I had got good laugh out of this. Several times. At her expense. lol :)

The following is a public service announcement. This really happened three days ago, but all names have been omitted to protect those involved from sheer embarassment! Did you know......

*Two year olds love red jello.
*Two year olds love to feed red jello to their old, digestively sensitive dog when mom is not looking.
*Mom will assume, upon seeing the empty jello bowl, that 2 year old ate all his jello.
*Dogs will vomit red jello.
*when dogs vomit red jello onto blue carpeting, it looks like blood.
*Mom will, thinking that her very old dog is vomiting blood, call the vet right away and take the dog (with 2 year old in tow) to the vet.
*Vet will examine dog.
*Dog will yet again vomit at the vet's office.
*Vet will inform mom that the dog isn't vominting blood, it's some sort of red colored food.
*Mom will state that the dog did not eat any red colored people food.
*Two year old will chime in "yes she did Mommy, I fed her my red jello this morning!"
*Mom will be totally embarassed, and vet will get such a laugh out of the situation that she won't charge for the visit.

And yes, just in case you are wondering, all red jello has been removed from the home and will never be purchased again.

It's snowing!

Holy cow, it's snowing big time! It's so pretty! I know you're just dying to see photos of the snow. Especially all you people up north. lol So here they are! :)

I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee snow!! :) :)

Like our green pool with leaves? Husband just loves it when it rains/snows. :(

Bentley didn't get to play because he received three yellow dots in a row at school. :( :(

This is the sorriest snowman I've ever seen. lol :)

Love, Mercedes.

Dear Mommy,

I just love mornings. There's just something about the morning time. I'm all happy & smiley & coo'ey.

Thanks for my new Boppy bouncer, mom. I like it much better than the other one. This one is so soft & cushy. And of course I'm loving the solid color of pink.

I'm so thankful God chose me to be in our family. I love my new family. You guys are pretty loud, but hey, you're so good to me. And I'm so very happy here. Thank you for loving me.

One more thing - please stop putting those icky bowbands on my head. I don't like them!

Love,

Mercedes

My baby is now 8 weeks old.

And in other news - I'm getting myself a light kit! I am so ready for some beautiful photos of my children - I'm just all giddy with excitement! I'm going to be setting up my own little "studio" & I can't wait! No, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out. Where there's a will, there's a way! :)

**The Endocrinologist phoned today & Mercedes' thyroid level is NORMAL! Unbelievable! At first the dr. suggested decreasing her medication, but then decided to leave well enough alone for now. We will take her back the end of March for lab work to check her level & at that time her medication will be adjusted. This is such great, great news because originally he told us her number should have came down, but it "wouldn't be normal" as of yet. Oh yes it is! I cried happy tears today! :) :)

They take my breath away.

Mommy's Miracles

Aren't they just precious children? I can't believe they are mine. I'm actually dissatisfied with the photos & I don't think I'll be returning to the studio I've gone to forever. However, for now these will suffice & I just admire my children over & over & over. :)

Great news to report - I just got Mercedes' lab results back & her THI number has come DOWN! Yay! Happy mommy, happy mommy. Thank you for praying for our girl! :)