I have the 'disease'.

I don't know the name of it, but I do know there is a name for it.

I noticed years ago that I have a horrible problem of laughing when laughing is completely inappropriate. For example - church (a few years ago hubby almost had to physically remove me from worship because I could not regain my composure & what makes it even worse is that occasionally I snort while laughing), meetings, funerals, weddings - anytime seriousness is in order & laughing is not in order. I've never known why I do it, I just know I do. I can't control it. It's horrible. It's embarrassing. It's humiliating. And it's very hurtful to someone when they are depending on you to listen at a time their heart is hurting.

A few years ago I was watching some primetime show - 20/20, Dateline, or something of the sort. Low & behold they held a segment describing these very symptoms - it's a disease! Yeehaw! I did the happy dance because for years I belittled myself, telling myself I was ignorant & cruel for displaying such inappropriate behavior. But now I finally knew why! It isn't my fault! In actuality, it is a real disease & I'm not the only person who has this issue! It sure doesn't make having it any easier to deal with, though.

This weekend my issue surfaced. In front of my child (will call the little person 'child' to protect identity), whose heart was breaking & was on the brink of tears, as child was explaining to mommy what had happened to said little person. I lost it. I mean I didn't just giggle - I was hysterically laughing to the point I had to remove my glasses & cover my eyes. Sometimes when I really laugh I will bang my hand on the table. Yes, I was banging my hand on the table. My child looked at me & said "stop laughing, it's not funny!" Oh it was so bad. I would have cried if I wouldn't had been laughing so hard. Thank goodness hubby was at the other end of the table because he can fight the temptation of laughing. And that is a hard thing for him to do when I am laughing.

So I had to explain to my child that mommy has a little 'issue' & that I certainly was not laughing at child (or was I? Sometimes I don't know). I don't think it made my child feel any better, & that hurt my heart. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt my childrens' feelings. I wonder if there is medication for this disease?

Ahhhhhhh...life is so challenging.

Happy Monday! :)