Adoption. How our journey began.

My husband & I adopted (domestically) 4 children in 6 1/2 years. I thought I'd offer some insight as to how we got started.

Building our family. It became my full time job. (I was not working outside our home at the time - fortunately I had quite a bit of time to devote.) I was obsessed & I was determined. I am a hard worker. I love to work & I give 150%. So I made building our family my new job. I did all my own networking & it was not easy, by any means. Our adoption journeys were exhausting, heartbreaking, expensive, depressing & emotional. Way back in the beginning (2000) someone once told me "Strap on your seatbelt - it's one hell of a ride." I couldn't have said it better myself.
I hear so many couples say "but I'm so tired, no one chooses us, I'm just ready to give up". I understand. I was there myself so many times. But I soon discovered, giving up was not an option. For whatever reason, this is the path God has chosen for us to build our family. Your baby is out there & your baby needs you. You can't stop. You can't give up. There is no quiting. When you're down & out, you pick yourself right up, you dust yourself off & you keep on trucking. There are thousands of couples waiting & wanting to adopt. Your competition is fierce. Fight the fight because believe me, it's worth every exhausting step.

I prayed for a baby & I prayed specifically. At the beginning, it was a rather simple prayer "Lord, please let us adopt a baby soon". Good. Dandy. But as time went on & we were presented to more birthparents, I prayed more specifically "Please Lord, let them choose us. Please!" When it didn't happen, I began getting angry. At that time, my prayers became even more specific. Desperate, in a way. When presented to a possible match, I would get down on my knees. "Please Lord, let this baby be ours. We have been praying for a baby. This is a perfect match. You know all I've been through. I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being told 'I'm sorry, they chose another couple' & I'm so ready for a baby. I just want to be a mom!" Years ago, I touched on this very subject on an adoption board I'm a member of. The moderator actually contacted me & they published my writing. I'm pretty sure I printed it out - I'll see if I can find it & I'll post it at a later date.

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(The paragraph below should be moved down - but Blogger is not letting me copy & paste so I'll just separate it, then pick back up.)

If you are currently waiting to adopt, this is what I/we did:

If you seem to be stuck in a rut with little activity, consider updating your adoption profile. Tweek it. Time & time again. If you have a website - update it. Tweek it so it matches your profile. Add more photos. Birthparents love seeing photos. Add gobs of them! About everything pertaining to you & your life. Let me stop here & say - if you don't have an adoption website, get one! The internet has become a very valuable tool (even moreso today than 2 years ago) in the adoption community. Many matches are formed because of & via the internet. (Once you have built your profile on-line, research adoption websites (such as ABCAdoptions.com/ParentProfiles.com) & inquire about advertising your profile on their site. This can be done for a monthly fee - some sites less expensive than others.) Google adoption sites & view other profiles. Get some ideas, but don't copy. At one point, years ago, I discovered that a couple had copied my entire adoption profile. It was almost verbatim. Changing the personal information, of course. I was livid! I had spent years (literally) writing & tweeking, writing & tweeking. How dare they copy my profile! I contacted the "Christian" facilitator we were working with. Let's just say they couldn't have cared less. All that said, be sure your information in your profile & on your website is yours. Unique. Interesting. Humor if there's a place for it. Speak honestly & from your heart.

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Rebecca asked the quetion "How did you adopt 4 children in such a short amount of time?" I can't tell you how many times I have been asked this question. And believe me when I say, I don't have an answer. I honestly don't know. Like you, I know so many couples who have waited years just to adopt one child. Why were we blessed 4 times in 6 1/2 years? We are no better than anyone else. We're not special. We don't have a fancier house, we don't drive more expensive cars, we are just a normal couple/family. It's terrible when I get asked that question & answer "Honestly? I just don't know." I won't know that answer until I can ask God myself.

When we began searching for our own child, we requested a full CC baby, either gender, no drugs/alcohol/mental issues. Adoption is a learning process - every day it seems you can learn something new. When we were searching for baby #2, I had a little more experience under my belt. We then made the decision to become more lenient; we were open to considering different situations on a "case by case" basis. By the time we were ready for baby #3 & 4, we were open to mixed races & would consider drug exposed situations. We were never open to alcohol - I've done a lot of FAS research & for us, we just weren't comfortable with that.

The more open & flexible one is to considering different types of situations, the less your wait time will be. There aren't near as many couples waiting for bi-racial/AA children as there are couples waiting for full CC babies. The same with drug & alcohol exposed situations. Those can be frightening situations & couples tend to shy away, which is normal, especially in the beginning of the adoption process. Because we lowered our expectations of what type of baby we desired, I feel we didn't have to wait as long. As time pressed on, we finally realized - we just wanted a family! God could work out all the details. And He did. Just perfectly. Ü

I have such a deep passion for all facets of adoption. I have offered my assistance (though, I am no professional) to many, many couples. If I can help you in any way, please shoot me an email. I'll be more than happy to help any way I can. Ü