Sunday, February 19, 2012

Wasted days & wasted nights.

Isn't that a song?

Come 8:00 or 9:00 p.m. (depending) nightly, I'm so ready to sit down at my computer & have some quiet time. I have realized lately that I really love communicating, browsing, surfing, blah, blah, blah via the internet. When I think about having computer time so I can visit with some friends, literally, it makes me happy. And I love that.

But my days are just so un/disorganized. I'm so organized, I'm unorganized. Yes, it is totally possible. Yesterday, it rained all day. Oh how I love the rain! Since it was Saturday & my husband was home, I did nothing all day long. Nothing. There aren't many days I do nothing. My nothing days typically consist of doing some laundry, refereeing & making some meals, at the very least. Not yesterday. I ran out of Borax & for some reason, I think I can no longer do my laundry without Borax. So I did none. Hubby handled the rest. Honest to pete, I stayed in bed almost all day, watching movies with little beings. Every now & then I'd surface, check Twitter & Facebook, read at MWoP (sigh - bidding 'farewell' - that was one big flop) & well, that was about it. I figured one complete day of waste wouldn't kill me.

Today I rise, knowing I have so many groceries to get. This morning I spent 2 hours at Walmart. I'm tired of always having to run to the store, so now I buy two of popular drinks/foods so I don't have to continue so many store runs. Anyway, I came home, we unloaded & put away, I began washing sheets, ate lunch & I had a whole list of cleaning I wanted to accomplish. Clothes got washed now that I have Borax, but do you want to know what I got cleaned? Nothing. Not one thing.

I've been staying up way too late (incredibly ironic yet stupid, since I'm the one promising myself I'll get to bed earlier), so I thought I needed a little nap today. Especially considering all the work I did yesterday (cough, cough). So I took a nap, then showered while hubby took the kids outside for a bit, then fixed some dinner & then I wanted to run quickly to Goodwill(s) in hopes of picking up some work out videos. Dinner was done & my youngest son has a tooth that needs to come out - so we spend again another hour (did last night, too) trying to pull that sucker out (& again, no luck) - by now it's too late for Goodwill(s) run, beds need to be made & everyone needs a shower.

And at 8:00ish tonight I sat down. And feel like a total failure for not only wasting an entire day yesterday, but not accomplishing anything (except for groceries & some laundry) worthwhile today. I deeply crave & desire a clean, organized, beautiful home (1. because it looks nice & 2. because it actually calms my demeanor) & I rarely accomplish that. I get so angry & so frustrated with myself & I'm just so darn irritated!

Love having this place to just release my frustration. And thankful, yet again, for tomorrows. ♥

No comments: