I have a secret!

My name is Melissa & I'M A HOARDER. Of certain items. Ahem.



What you are looking at is new, unused plastic utensils that I have gathered along the way for the last - TWELVE YEARS. Or so. I lost count.



We used to be very active in our church group & I used to save these because they came in handy for fellowship gatherings. When we'd run through a drive through or go on vacation or whatever, & because we rarely used them, I'd always hang on to the utensils (& obviously, some straws) the restaurant provided. And I could never get out of the habit. And I currently can't get out of the habit.



To put it in perspective, here's the pile next to my 4.5 year old daughter.



In my defense, in the first photo, they are 'organized' nicely, right? These have been taking up space on the top shelf of my pantry. And recently, on the bottom shelf of my pantry. (Well, heck, to be totally honest, we were beginning to have more utensils in there than food! Just kidding. Kind of.) Because I'm trying to declutter (now you know why), I decided it's time to break the habit. Let it go. Let them go, Melissa. Just let them go.

I know many of you are thinking 'well thank God. I'm not as bad as I thought I was.' You're welcome.

Wait until I show you my bank statements from NINETEEN EIGHT-FIVE.

Kitten needs a home - LOL

I'm searching on Craig's List for a kennel for Maxi & I read this ad. LOL Too funny!


**********


I will pay someone to come get this kitty

I have a horrible 3 month old kitten have you ever seen the show cat from hell well if you lay down he will nipple your ear and constantly jump on you and he has claws so its not fun. hes definately not a normal cat that likes just to hang out and be self sufficent he will definately jump on you and do anything for attention if that means jump on you 20 times he will
I guess for some that may not be a problem but I have a dog that would like nothing more than to have him for lunch, My 10 year old daughter brought him home from a friend and the friend cant take him back and I really dont want to see him go to a shelter and I dont want anything bad to happen to him the one good thing about him is that he uses the litter box no problem and hes all gray cute kitty just not working for us. Anyways I will pay a few bucks for someone to get him and give him a home he wont stay outside he will stay and climb up your door until he gets in. He has a new bag of litter and some other things So if your up for the challenge please feel free to contact me thank you for your time. And no cruel emails Im trying really hard to find him a home and not a shelter cause I know for a fact that with as many cats they have he will be put down. I am located 20 miles west of fort worth.

How to have a garage sale in Texas, in July!

Don't.

Just sayin'.

Saw this on Facebook this morning. And I actually LOL'd out loud. Too funny. :)

My dirty little hang up.

Pun intended.

I've really never thought about sharing this little tidbit about myself until recently, when my husband cracked me up. Not many people know this about me - but I hang up on people. A lot, a lot. Yes. I hang up on people & I have done it since I was young. Now typically, I only hang up on people when they agitate me (but that is no guarantee). Nonetheless, I'm a hanger upper. And it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

When I was a teenager (15 or so?), my oldest brother phoned our home while he was stationed in Germany. He woke me up. I didn't like that. I didn't really care that he was phoning from Germany. I hung up on him. Truth be told, I can't even begin to count the number of times I've hung up on various people.

A few of you do know this about me - I hate talking on the phone. Loved it when I was young, hate it now that I'm not as young. ;o) Probably because for the last 20 years, my husband has called me so often, I claim he harasses me. And he does. And I despise it. And he thinks it's funny. And 9 times out 10, I hang up on him. I've done it for 20 years now. Sometimes if I'm really feisty, I'll throw the phone across the room. I buy the cheapest phones because we go through many. Ahem.

Recently, however, the tables turned. I phoned him. Then, I needed to phone him again. Then, I needed something else & I phoned him again. All in a 10 minute span. Then I said "how do you like it?" :)

After we hung up, the phone rang. I knew it was him & it was. So I answered, he started laughing, I didn't, & I told him I already knew it was him being funny. Then he said "yeah, but watch this". Click.

He hung up on me! Bwahaha! Oh goodness, I laughed so hard! As you all know, I am the witty one, but every now & then, he gets a good one in. I was proud of him.

So there you go. I have no idea why I just shared all that, so do with it what you may. Just don't call me.

Similarities.

I loved Jessica Alba's dress at the Met Gala. I think it was stunning!



Then I realized, I feel the very same way about my lamp!



Ü

(Whoa. That is one big ol' photo of my lamp.)

I pierced my ear cartilage! Mid-life crisis?

Yay! I've wanted to do this for a while now. So today, I did! And I love it! I think I'm having a 'mid-life crisis'! Am I? Here's part of the definition:

Occurrence:

For the approximately 10% of middle aged adults who go through an age-related midlife crisis, the condition is most common ranging from the ages of 40-60 (a large study in the 1990s[5] found that the average age at onset of a self-described midlife crisis was 46). Midlife crises last about 3–10 years in men and 2–5 years in women. A midlife crisis could be caused by aging itself, or aging in combination with changes, problems, or regrets over:

*work or career (or lack thereof)
*spousal relationships (or lack thereof)
*maturation of children (or lack thereof)
*aging or death of parents
*physical changes associated with aging

Midlife crises seem to affect men and women differently. Researchers[6] have proposed that the triggers for midlife crisis differ between men and women, with male midlife crisis more likely to be caused by work issues.
Some have hypothesized that another cause of the male midlife crisis is the imminent menopause of the female partner and end of her reproductive career.[7]

Characteristics:

Insecurities go so far as to affixing the badge of an expensive sports car to a cheaper one, in an attempt to convey a false sense of success.
Individuals experiencing a midlife crisis have some of these feelings:

*search of an undefined dream or goal
*a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
*a fear of humiliation among more successful colleagues
*desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
*need to spend more time alone or with certain peers

They exhibit some of these behaviors:

*abuse of alcohol
*acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as motorbikes, boats, clothing, sports cars, jewelry, gadgets, tattoos, piercings, etc.
*depression
*blaming themselves for their failures
*paying special attention to physical appearance such as covering baldness, wearing youthful designer clothes, etc.
*entering relationships with younger people (either/or sexual, professional, parental, etc.)
*placing overimportance (and possibly a psychologically damaging amount) on their children to excel in areas such as sports, arts, or academics

Yikes! I'm 44 - is that "middle age"? Should I mention I want a tattoo? And I want to skydive (can't do that one because of vertigo)? And I want to buy a jeep? And I want to lose 70 lbs.? And I desire to be hip & mod? And suddenly I want to go, go, go, do, do, do & purchase, purchase, purchase?

This could get interesting! And expensive!

Coco & her bikini!

Strong possibility you may desire some brain bleach after this.

I'm kind of at a loss for words.

And I'm kind of LOL'ing.

I keep trying to think of things to type, but I'm at a loss.



Lets discuss, shall we?

I agree. Lets don't & pretend we did.

But seriously. Do people own mirrors?

Thanks celebuzz for the image. Or not.

Valentine decor!

I didn't even break a sweat.

My car. :)

I just wanted to pay my car payment.

Today I had a "stupid" day. As in, I was such a doofus - I just wanted to pay my car payment. Today.

My first car payment (for this car). Bank is right across the street - literally (ok, right across a few streets, rather). So here we went. I pulled up, & noticed 2 of the 3 blinds were pulled at the drive thru. Hmm. Well, maybe 2 lanes weren't working. After all, the lights inside the bank were on. And I swore I saw people exiting the main entrance. I sat there thinking for a minute, all the while wrinkling my nose. I dunno. I was confused. So I left.

Down the road we went. Looking for the same bank, different branch. Why? I dunno. Ok. Never found another branch, but found several other banks. Open. Yes, open. People going in & out, drive thru lanes open & occupied. Hmm. So see? The bank I attempted to pay my car payment at must have been open. I thought so. Back we went.

Same song, second verse. 2 of the 3 shades were still pulled at the drive thru. Hmm. By now I was getting frustrated - I just wanted to pay my car payment. Come on people, work with me! Alright. Maybe they are closed. I'll just drop the darn thing in the ATM machine. So, I got in line. While waiting for the car in front of me, I spotted a big, metal "Depository" box on the side of the building. Ah hah! I can toss it in there. So, I backed out of the ATM line (making those pulling in behind me come to a halt), hopped over the curb (or, 2) & pulled up in front of the Depository box. I tugged. And pulled. And yanked. And fiddled with it. And pulled some more. And obviously, according to my 8 1/2 year old, somewhere along the way I screamed "this is crap!" For whatever reason, the dang box was locked. So, I then got back in the ATM line & waited. And waited. And waited. I just wanted to pay my car payment. Today.

Finally. I pulled up to the ATM machine. Only to find out, there is no longer a slot for envelopes. Yes, my car payment was in the envelope. At that point, I said a few choice words. Told the bank to shove it. And started to drive off. Again.

Ah hah! Wait! The lobby! Surely the front foyer, which is open because it houses another ATM (I guess 2 machines outside isn't enough), would have a drop box & I could toss my car payment in it! WOOHOO! Oh boy. I pulled my beauty of a SUV up front. I blocked all handicap parking spaces. Go ahead & give me a ticket, by george, who cares! I was paying my car payment!

I go to step out of my car. Sign on the door "Closed Monday in observation of Columbus Day". Um, by now I had kind of figured that out. No problem! I'll just go right in the foyer & toss my car payment in the drop box. Until I spotted another sign. "Swipe your ATM card here to gain access to foyer". Sweet! But we don't bank there.

I got in my car & came home. With my car payment. Screw it. It can be late.

Home sweet home.

We are flooding! And I am not kidding.

1.) Electricty went out @ 8:40 a.m.

2.) Loaded everyone up to leave - garage door won't open - no electricity!

3.) Pull both shoulders out of socket manually raising garage door!

4.) Put my imagination to use :) & used a plant hook to get garage door back down.

5.) Head to Sonic & drive around to kill time/check out storm damage.

6.) Cell phone rings - it's my dad. Very sweet. Very drunk. Sounding as if he was saying his final 'good-bye'....?

7.) Electric back on. We come home.

8.) Return to find water pouring out of an a/c vent?! Put towel & bucket underneath.

9.) Lock/gate everyone in formal living room 'wing' so they won't keep playing with bucket.

10.) Beautiful new pool dirty & overflowing, fortunately it has an overflow valve.

11.) Electricity off again.

12.) No tv (satellite) - movies only. Angry children.

13.) Electricity back on.

14.) Find water pouring in under the front door!

15.) Baby irate & screaming while dog yet again howls.

16.) Bentley discovers water pouring in from a light fixture, next to leaking a/c vent. Sweet!

17.) Decide to close garage door because of the torrential downpour.

18.) Open inside garage door to find big, huge soaking wet dog in our garage for shelter!

19.) Out of desperation, send all 4 children upstairs to play.

20.) OY!

☺

21.) I just deleted my signature accidentally!

22.) OY!

☺

Why you should take your camera everywhere you go.

'Cause you never know when there's someone out there who wants to screw with you when you're not in your right frame of mind. ☺



My rose bushes are starting to bloom! So pretty. I have 8 rose bushes in all - 1 yellow & the other 7 pinks. ☺ I shot this with a lens I already had on my camera, but I want to reshoot later today with my 50mm. Love roses. Hate the thorns. ☺



Happy Monday!

Did I ever tell you.

Hubby & I got in some sort of tiff a few days after our Anniversary. In a moment of um, frustration (um, yeah, I'll go with that. ;o), I took the flowers he bought me & threw them in the pool. Then I laughed & laughed. Then I took a photo. ☺



That just wasn't gratification enough, so I got in the freezer & ate his Snickers bar. Ok. I ate two of them. Then I was happy. :)

One never knows what to expect with me. And yes, he laughed too, after the fact. ♥

Cracks me up.

Ears need cleaning?

Watching the news tonight.

"First ever full face transplant completed using the skin of a donut."

Me: Skin of a donut?

Husband: Melissa, skin of a donor.

Oh. LOL

Saturday's chaos.

Husband had a job to go pick up this morning, so he took the three oldest with him.

When they got home, hubby came in huffing. Screaming mad. Which is so not typical for him.

The kids came in upset.

Husband: All of you get in time out! NOW!!!

He was fuming.

Me: Oh my goodness, what did they do?

Husband: You are never going with me again! That was the last time!!!

All three are in timeout. Well not really Jaguar, she was still running amock. No surprise there.

Bentley: Fine! We don't ever want to ride in your dirty truck again anyway!

I gasped. Out loud. I actually covered my mouth with my hand, in shock.

I thought to myself 'oh my, Bentley's going to die today! I cannot believe he just said that! He's never going to take another breath!'

And then, they all jumped up & yelled "PSYCHE! Gotcha!"

And they did.

I'm still recovering.

LOL

Love fun. Not particularly when it's at my expense, but they did good. Ü

Last night's disappointing shocker.

You know I've been so excited about this election. You've read all my goofy & mostly one sided posts. Ha! I have done so much reading, so much research & was seriously considering early voting. I am ready! Let's do this. Then -

At 10:40 p.m. last night I was in the laundry room running a load of clothes. I hear...

Husband: oh no!

Me: what?

Husband: I don't believe it!

Me: what?

Husband: We can't vote!

Me: What?!?!

Husband: We can't vote!

Me: Why?

Husband: Last time we voted, we were in the old house. We never updated our registration with our new address! We missed the cut-off to update our address. It's too late now & we can't vote.

Me: ...silence...

I CAN'T VOTE!!!!!!!

My 2nd BFF.

(Find my 1st BFF here. :)

You know what I did today? I cooked a roast. A roast with onions, potatoes & carrots. Yummmmmmmmm. You can just taste it, can't you? Ü

This is how it went.

I got up all Betty Crockery. Oh yes I did. I fed the kids breakfast, got them settled, & then got ready to prepare our meal. And preparing I did.

I peeled my cute, little red potatoes & cut them up. Am I the only person in the world who loves raw potatoes? Oh my. Smother those suckers in salt & it's like gold in a bottle. Ok. Moving on.

I peeled my onion & cut it all up. While I cried.

Got out my bag (yes, bag) of itty, perfect, peeled carrots.

Retrieved my $TWENTY dollar roast from the frig. Can't I like buy a whole cow for that?! Rubbed my roast with salt & pepper & Lawry's. I'm a Lawry's freak. I even put Lawry's on toast.

Just kiddin'. :)

Loaded up most of my veggies in the crock pot. Dumped Onion Soup all over them. Ooohhhh it smelled so good already.

Picked up my big ol' honkin' roast & tossed it in. Then decorated around the roast with the rest of the veggies & soup. It was a beautiful masterpiece.

By this time I was so proud I think I was actually singing. Ü

Turned the crock pot (or 'slow cooker', whatever your preference :) on, grabbed the lid & we were ready to go! Woohoo! Dinner tonight! :)

Except for the fact that the lid fell in the crock pot when I set it on top. I was stymied for a second - I was positive I had the right lid & the right pot. I got a little confused. Why did the lid fall into the pot?

Because I forgot to put all the food into crock! Or the pot! Whatever it is! I loaded up all the yummy food & had dumped it all into the crock without the pot!

Sigh.

But all was not lost. I use these. My new 2nd BFF. Really. If you haven't tried these, you must. You absolutely must.

So I pulled the pot out of the dishwasher, grabbed the liner with yummies out of the crock, & delicately put it all back together. So it would now cook. Properly. Our dinner. Only it didn't look so pretty after the transition.

We had some errands to run so off we went. When we got home, I was going to phone hubby & tell him to run home just to smell the house. LOL You know how good the house smells when a roast cooks all day? Oh the anticipation. So home we went...

To no glorious aroma. Nothin'. That's weird. Shouldn't I be smelling something after two hours?

Over to the crock pot I went & the flippin' thing wasn't turned on. How did it get turned off? Me? Did I bump it? Did I turn it off when I realized I was burning a plastic liner because the plastic liner wasn't in the pot & I was fearing a fire? Oh yea, that was it.

So by this time my language was not so kid friendly. I turn the @$#&%$ back on, but this time on high for 4 hours verses low for 8.

Our lovely dinner was ready @ 8:00 p.m. tonight. We ate Popeye's Chicken.

I guess I'll try to heat it or something tomorrow. And if that don't work, it'll probably end up in the pool. At this point, who cares. We've smelled roast cooking for so long we're all about to hurl.

Hubby is already telling me how to heat it up properly. He has no faith in me. For the life of me, I just can't figure out why. Ü

Regarding the private blog - I'm still undecided. :o) I hate when people ruin things for me (remember I'm now moderating comments but today it hasn't been necessary - still a great option). But, I do have all of your emails. My goodness, who knew? Who knew so many followed my goofy blog? I'm honored! Thank you! You'll know if & when I go private. Ü

Another fad?

I really have mixed emotions about these. On one hand I think they are so stinkin' cute; on the other hand, I think they are ridiculous & send a creepy message. These baby shoes are intended, I do believe, for babies up to 6 months. It's a good thing Mercedes is now 8 months old, 'cause I probably would have ordered some just for kicks. :)

Happy Friday! Here comes Ike! :(