Monday, March 31, 2008
I noticed years ago that I have a horrible problem of laughing when laughing is completely inappropriate. For example - church (a few years ago hubby almost had to physically remove me from worship because I could not regain my composure & what makes it even worse is that occasionally I snort while laughing), meetings, funerals, weddings - anytime seriousness is in order & laughing is not in order. I've never known why I do it, I just know I do. I can't control it. It's horrible. It's embarrassing. It's humiliating. And it's very hurtful to someone when they are depending on you to listen at a time their heart is hurting.
A few years ago I was watching some primetime show - 20/20, Dateline, or something of the sort. Low & behold they held a segment describing these very symptoms - it's a disease! Yeehaw! I did the happy dance because for years I belittled myself, telling myself I was ignorant & cruel for displaying such inappropriate behavior. But now I finally knew why! It isn't my fault! In actuality, it is a real disease & I'm not the only person who has this issue! It sure doesn't make having it any easier to deal with, though.
This weekend my issue surfaced. In front of my child (will call the little person 'child' to protect identity), whose heart was breaking & was on the brink of tears, as child was explaining to mommy what had happened to said little person. I lost it. I mean I didn't just giggle - I was hysterically laughing to the point I had to remove my glasses & cover my eyes. Sometimes when I really laugh I will bang my hand on the table. Yes, I was banging my hand on the table. My child looked at me & said "stop laughing, it's not funny!" Oh it was so bad. I would have cried if I wouldn't had been laughing so hard. Thank goodness hubby was at the other end of the table because he can fight the temptation of laughing. And that is a hard thing for him to do when I am laughing.
So I had to explain to my child that mommy has a little 'issue' & that I certainly was not laughing at child (or was I? Sometimes I don't know). I don't think it made my child feel any better, & that hurt my heart. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt my childrens' feelings. I wonder if there is medication for this disease?
Ahhhhhhh...life is so challenging.
Happy Monday! :)
Friday, March 28, 2008
Jags: Hi! Do you need privacy?
Jags: What do you need?
I would LOL but I don't find that very funny. :)
Audi's comment today while looking at Mercedes.
"I can't wait until she grows into a kid."
Alrighty then. :)
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Me: Did you get your back washed?
Me: But I forgot to help you. How'd you do it?
Bents: I put soap all over the wall & rubbed up against it like a pig.
Alrighty then. :)
This child is absolutely priceless! :)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
If you look closely, you can see her dimple! Sweet! :)
Did I mention I love her hair? Oh gosh, I can't stand it! I love it! Her hair is almost always oily because someone (me) can't keep her hands (me) off of her hair (me). She loves to have her hair stroked. And it's long too! :)
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Blogger will not let me relocate this photo of Jaguar. lol So here she is! Right in the center. I stuck this in here to show what I get when I tell her to smile. She actually has piggie tails in this photo! :)
Husband got up early & took the boys to early service. Jaguar has a cough, so the girls & I stayed home. :(
I hope you all have a wonderful day! I hope you enjoy all your festivities, but most of all, take time to reflect on the past three days. We get so busy & so caught up in all the fun stuff, it's so easy (even on a daily basis) to push the "reason for the season" aside.
Happy Easter! :)
Friday, March 21, 2008
I am a very low-maintenance girl. Regarding material things anyway. Hubby told me on our anniversary (when I was trying to negotiate returning the expensive perfume he bought me) that I'm "a simple girl & never ask for anything" (& that I should keep the perfume I love...but ultimately it got returned). He's right. I don't. I do nothing for myself - that's just me. I don't ever buy myself anything, including clothes (until I'm forced to). My entire family is beautifully dressed. Then there is me. :) The only thing(s) I really do for myself is take care of my hair, makeup & earrings. Those three things I am precise on. From the neck down, look out! :) I must have me some pretty toes, too. Pretty toes are always important. Anyway, I don't think much about it because that is who I am & my family comes first. Then me. I like it & prefer it that way.
For some reason (& honestly for a long time now, but I've never acted on my wish) photography has become "my deal". My passion. My goal. Maybe it's because Mercedes is here now. But that makes no sense since I have 3 other children. I don't know. I'm starting to really beat myself up over this because I feel as if I have missed some awesome shots of my children over the past 3 years (I'll say '3' because that is when we purchased our first digital camera). Then I tell myself to stop sweating the small stuff, & start now! So I am. And I did.
My little studio is coming along. I have tons of props on their way (ok, not really props, just some things I think will enhance a photo). I am browsing bukoos of professional photography sites (& man, there are some excellent ones out there! Much impressive talent.) I'm going to take some photography classes. I constantly have new ideas & I've noticed my heart starts beating & a smile beams across my face. And never in my life will I shoot on automatic again! It's manual all the way. I'm all giddy with excitement over something so simple. Gosh I love that word! :)
I'm so glad I'm finally acting on my passion. Should I probably have acted sooner? Yep. Can I change it? Nope. Should I just start now & enjoy every minute & reap the rewards? You betcha! :)
I encourage you to do something for you! It's amazing how even just one small, simple thing can change your attitude. How one small, simple thing can make you happy. Life is too short to be unhappy. Search your soul until you find your passion. Then go for it! Never in life will it be too late to grasp your dream. :)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
**Can I just add - regarding AI - thank the Lord Amanda is gone! I don't think I could have stomached her one more episode. :)
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Her 2 month check up was last Wednesday. She weighed 10 lbs. 6 oz. & was 22". Her percentages are 25-50% in every area, including her head (which I thought was a tad large...lol...but I guess not). She is so perfect. We couldn't be more blessed. :)
WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME. (photo below)
How cute is that?!? :)
This girl & I are going to be bickerers of clothing. Does that make sense? Let me give you an example. "Mommy I want to wear the PINK shirt! I don't want the green shirt! I don't like green!" or how about "I don't want that swimming suit mommy! I want the PINK one!" Did she wear the pink shirt & did I buy the pink swimming suit? Yep to both. :)
Monday, March 17, 2008
His school program was cute, cute, cute. And since he's cute, cute, cute, well, the program was a win/win all the way around. :)
Bents attended his "swim program" on March 7th. His wonderful 'daddy of the year' took off work & went for the entire program. Actually, hubby was quite impressed & said the children weren't in the water long at all & it was well organized. They watched movies & stuff like that. Oh well! I'm glad Bentley got to go & I'm very appreciative he has such an awesome daddy. :)
The private blog. I have mixed feelings about this. I received tons of emails (thank you!) about this. And thank you Sarah, there is a 3rd way I could go private. I can change the blog name completely, I can password protect it and/or I could make it an invite only. I had forgotten about that one. At this point I'm still thinking about it but I'm also thinking "if it ain't broke, why fix it?" So I'm still undecided. This isn't a top priority right now so we shall see. For now it stays public. :)
Bentley & I have a date for his very own photo shoot. Hopefully sometime this week. Spring Break is quickly coming to a close so I hope I can get some cute photos of my almost 7 year old! :)
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Currently, hubby & I have a little dilemma regarding homeschooling. It isn't that he isn't pro-homeschooling - his main concern is that I have OCD & I am a determined perfectionist. I certainly won't argue with that. :) He thinks I may expect too much. I disagree. I do/will expect what I know my child is capable of, I don't/won't expect above his limits. Still discussing.
Below is the email from "L". Everything in the copper color is from her.
...because I have considered this myself and have two girls in 2nd and 5th grade in public schools myself, I felt compelled to answer each point that you mentioned myself. I agree with some...and some, I just don't see. Take it for what it is worth...I sure don't mean to impose my opinions on you but I have been there and know of which I speak :)
1. Positive academic, social, emotional and spiritual benefits. I both agree and disagree on this point. I do think that children grow socially and emotionally better around children in the same socio economic background as your children. Children do need to be around other children daily in order to be well rounded and more prepared for the real world.
2. A better education for your child. Now that is debatable. In my case....probably not so much :)
3. The schools have become so dangerous that homeschooling is now a lot safer than sending your child into the war zone that public schools have become. Well, in our area of the suburbs, this is not a concern as of yet.
4. Less exposure to drugs and alcohol. Today 31% of high school students "binge drink" at least once a month. There are also a lot of students who abuse inhalants, drugs and medicine. If you keep your child in a bubble, they will be protected from all of these things. However, they will rebel most times when they leave the home. This was true of myself and many of my peers in private school all of our lives. When we left for college, we went buck wild! My husband was in public school and never went wild as he was always exposed to these things and felt it was just the way things were. He was exposed gradually and never actually went wild. (Thankfully, I never got into trouble and eventually returned to the Lord. But I definitely was led astray for awhile.)
5. No emotional bullying such as name-calling, mocking and humiliation. This is what any child that appears "different" is forced to endure. Research shows that those children who undergo this emotional bullying are unable to learn well. True, and I worry a lot about this with my 5th grade daughter. However, I think the benefits of her being in school and exposed the the outside world outweigh any of the risks of this. She will face it sooner or later anyway.
6. Children can be Ritalin-free. Schools are increasingly labeling typical male behavior as ADD/ADHD. This is also true for thin children who like to move around more. I truly can't speak on this issue so I will just keep my mouth shut.
7. Sexual pressure is removed. Research shows that 81% of children between the ages of 12 and 14 believe that they are pressured into having sex too early. School culture and sex-ed classes tend to promote that sex is fine because everyone is doing it. Thus, children are dressing and acting sexy at much younger ages. This is true whether the children attend public or private schools. Again, my kids are too young to speak on this issue. But I do believe that kids need to be around other kids their own age and hopefully, our kids are learning at home what is right and wrong in the eyes of the Lord.
8. Family bonds are strengthened. Homeschooling actually brings families closer together. Children are given the time and attention that they need to thrive. Parents are able to really know their children. Siblings are kind and helpful to one another. Well....in our home, this may or may not be the case. I don't know that I would have the patience to home school all of my kids. I feel like I am a better parent when they get home from school after having several hours to re-charge away from them. Don't get me wrong....I miss my kids like crazy while they are gone and I love Summer break!!!
9. Better preparation for the real world. Modern schools only appear to be normal because we have been brought up to accept them as the way things are done. They are actually quite unnatural. You will never spend your day with people who are all your same age doing things that have no foreseeable results. I TOTALLY disagree with this point!!! How could a child be better prepared for the real world when they have never really been exposed to it! The real world is not always nice and it is not always pretty. No matter how much we would like to protect our children from all of the bad things in this world, if they ever leave the nest, they WILL encounter things that are not so nice and not so pretty. They will experience temptations, rejection, hate, sexual temptations, and all of the negative things we try so hard to protect them from. I hate it so much but I believe that it is better to expose them gradually than to BOOM throw them into the real world in college and have them experience some form of emotionally breakdown because they had no idea that things were so bad in the real world.
10. The home offers the best environment for spiritual training. Christians know that Jesus calls them "disciples" not "students." This is because disciples observe and model their teacher's behavior. Even if you are not a Christian you still should ask yourself if you really want your child modeling the behavior of their public school teacher. This, again, may be debatable. I was very disenchanted after high school to realize that one of my Christian teachers at private school was, in fact, homosexual.
Melissa, please know that I am not criticizing any of your beliefs. Just offering another viewpoint from someone who is in the same boat...but maybe a little farther down the river. I would love to discuss this with you more. You probably have thought of some things that I have not. And I am a big enough girl to agree to disagree on some of these issues too! Hope to hear from you soon.......
Just to let you know, these facts are not "my beliefs", just an email I received so I could be informed further. I will say though that I do not believe making the decision to homeschool is "keeping your child in a bubble". There are many outstanding reasons people homeschool & there are many outstanding reasons people choose public schools. Homeschool now-a-days is nowhere near what it used to be - the more I research I am finding homeschool clubs for children, academic classes, field trips, sports, & the list goes on. There is plenty of socialization for homeschooled children which makes me happy, as I too believe this is a very important area. I am fully aware the above issues will need to be addressed with children at some point. I have a major issue with the above issues having to be addressed at age 6. :) Alcohol & drugs frighten me, as well as school violence. Elementary children being caught with guns is unacceptable. Any school age is unacceptable. And even if the violence isn't at the school itself, I've seen 2 different schools (both elementary) on the news just last week - both schools placed in lockdown -because of dangerous situations surrounding the school. Keep in mind too that homeschooling doesn't mean your child will never see the outside world. Naturally, they will live life the same as others...such as going to a friend's house, birthday parties, out to a movie, roller skating, church activities, etc. This topic is discussing homeschooling, not making children hermits. :)
At any rate, the research continues & I appreciate everyone's feedback! Thanks again "L" for sharing! :)
Friday, March 14, 2008
Should this happen, I will let him finish out the school year since there's pretty much only 2 months left.
I'll yet again begin my homeschooling research. This time though, I'll be reading more in depth.
Here's a list of homeschooling benefits Rebecca emailed me long ago. Very interesting.
Today there are a lot of parents who are starting to homeschool their young children. There are a lot of people who are wondering just why this is now becoming such a trendy thing to do. Well, it is mainly due to the numerous great benefits that homeschooling has to offer. Some of these many benefits include:
1. Positive academic, social, emotional and spiritual benefits.
2. A better education for your child.
3. The schools have become so dangerous that homeschooling is now a lot safer than sending your child into the war zone that public schools have become.
4. Less exposure to drugs and alcohol. Today 31% of high school students "binge drink" at least once a month. There are also a lot of students who abuse inhalants, drugs and medicine.
5. No emotional bullying such as name-calling, mocking and humiliation. This is what any child that appears "different" is forced to endure. Research shows that those children who undergo this emotional bullying are unable to learn well.
6. Children can be Ritalin-free. Schools are increasingly labeling typical male behavior as ADD/ADHD. This is also true for thin children who like to move around more.
7. Sexual pressure is removed. Research shows that 81% of children between the ages of 12 and 14 believe that they are pressured into having sex too early. School culture and sex-ed classes tend to promote that sex is fine because everyone is doing it. Thus, children are dressing and acting sexy at much younger ages. This is true whether the children attend public or private schools.
8. Family bonds are strengthened. Homeschooling actually brings families closer together. Children are given the time and attention that they need to thrive. Parents are able to really know their children. Siblings are kind and helpful to one another.
9. Better preparation for the real world. Modern schools only appear to be normal because we have been brought up to accept them as the way things are done. They are actually quite unnatural. You will never spend your day with people who are all your same age doing things that have no foreseeable results.
10. The home offers the best environment for spiritual training. Christians know that Jesus calls them "disciples" not "students." This is because disciples observe and model their teacher's behavior. Even if you are not a Christian you still should ask yourself if you really want your child modeling the behavior of their public school teacher.
(I find #10 quite humorous because when hubby & I went to our "mandatory" parents' conference, Bent's teacher had some nice hickies on the front of her neck. Eww. She wore a scarf that day but did an extremely poor job keeping her night before activities covered.)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
The crib furniture we have is cherry so I think this will look beautiful. :)
**I have now taken Mercedes off both of her reflux medications & she is doing awesome! She now is only on her thyroid medication. We've gone from giving her medication 7 times a day to just once. Ahh. :)
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Me: I do believe, wherever my other brother may be, he is having a birthday today.
Bentley: You have another brother?
Me: I do have another brother. Did you know I have an older brother?
Bents: No I didn't. A brother besides Uncle Craig?
Me: Yes. His name is Chris.
Bents: Is he my Uncle Chris?
Me: He is your Uncle Chris. Unfortunately, I have not seen nor spoke with him in seven years.
Bents: Oh. That's sad.
Yes my young son, it is terribly sad. I didn't relay that part to him. There is no way I will pass my burdens on to my son/children.
I don't think much about my older brother any more, as I am not "allowed" to know where he lives or even how he is doing. We had a falling out 7 years ago when I was Baptized. He has not spoken to me since. I assume it's because I'm now "one of them". He has never seen my children. I have no idea if he even knows their names.
He also will have nothing to do with Craig or my dad. I was not allowed to have his number to phone him in 2006 when my father was dying. All I (we) wanted to do was give him a respectful call letting him know dad's position. I didn't want to bother him, I didn't want to harrass him & I didn't want to know his business. I simply wanted to inform him. He didn't care.
I am now estranged from my mother, my father (again...that's another post) & my oldest brother. My mother does not send me birthday cards or Christmas cards, & she sends my children nothing. The last nasty message my dad left on my answering machine informed me that he would be happy to speak to my husband or my children, but not to me. He then told me never to phone him again. I haven't.
The only relative I have contact with is my brother Craig, his wife Christa, & their children. I love them so much. I do have my mother's brother (my Uncle...I haven't seen him in 10 or so years) that I email with every now & then. Sadly, I'll probably never see him again. On my dad's side I have another Aunt & Uncle, as well as four cousins & many second cousins, that I haven't seen or spoken with in over 25 years. Unfortunately, there was an over abundance of strife between my father & his brother & that was the end of that. I *think* I have three other cousins - but my dad's other brother committed suicide at a very young age so of course the families became separated & I've haven't seen them in over 35 years.
The older I get the more I realize the importance of family. I have four children now & it literally breaks my heart for them. On my side, they only know my brother & Christa & their family. On hubby's side, they are blessed enough to know his entire family, including Aunts, Uncles, cousins & 2nd & 3rd cousins. I actually (gulp) buy my children birthday & Christmas gifts & put my parents' names on them so my children don't feel left out & I don't have a lot of explaining to do. I'm not sure if it's to make them or myself feel better - so I just do it & refuse to decipher it.
I remember about a year ago, Kat & hubby were trying to adopt a baby. They had some failed situations & I remember her saying "can't I just have a baby already?" I know that feeling. I feel her pain on many levels. It gets harder for me every day & I'm not sure why...but I find myself asking "can't I just have a family already?"
Why does life have to be so hard? Why can't families love one another & treat each other with respect? Life is so damn short! Embrace it! Live it! Love it! Thank God for one another & for blessing you with family members! For crying out loud, be happy! Am I the only one who realizes there are so, so, so, so many wonderful families out there with deceased family members who would give anything they had to get them back? Even if for just one day. One minute. One moment. It makes me sad to know I have a healthy, alive family & everyone is estranged. It's pathetic & immature. Not to mention, out of my control.
For those of you who have wonderful, supportive families, please don't take it for granted. You probably don't think twice about it but for those of us with no one, we do think about it. And we are forever heartbroken & scarred. If I could make my dysfunctional family functional, I would in a heartbeat. But I can't.
Saying all that, I realize I can make a difference. I can choose how to live the beautiful life I have. I can dwell or I can thrive. I thank God I have the opportunity to raise 4 precious, little creatures & I have the opportunity to show them the world & let them know what love is. I'm going to seize my opportunity.
But the pain & sadness inside will never go away. Never.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Can you see her tear? She's had crocodile tears from day one.
Sooooooooooo happy in daddy's arms. :)
Pretty in pink. She looks like a doll in this photo. Oh wait, she is a doll! :)
The past week & 1/2 has been a little rough. For whatever reason, Mercedes started projectile vomiting every time she ate. It was awful! We were changing her clothes (& mine) non-stop & washing bunches. I was getting quite nervous because I didn't know what was causing it & I just knew our pediatrician was going to send us straight to a GI specialist. I did not want my baby to have to see another doctor!
Hubby is sitting in Oklahoma tonight so I think I'll do some Ebay'ing & edit some photos. I take way too many photos. It's ridiculous really. :) And no, I don't have my new light kit because hubby & I are bickering over it. He wants the "best of the best"...I want something to get me by. Good grief. I have the rest of my studio all planned out though so I'm anxious to get going on it.
Off to bed early! Goodnight! :)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
The following is a public service announcement. This really happened three days ago, but all names have been omitted to protect those involved from sheer embarassment! Did you know......
*Two year olds love red jello.
*Two year olds love to feed red jello to their old, digestively sensitive dog when mom is not looking.
*Mom will assume, upon seeing the empty jello bowl, that 2 year old ate all his jello.
*Dogs will vomit red jello.
*when dogs vomit red jello onto blue carpeting, it looks like blood.
*Mom will, thinking that her very old dog is vomiting blood, call the vet right away and take the dog (with 2 year old in tow) to the vet.
*Vet will examine dog.
*Dog will yet again vomit at the vet's office.
*Vet will inform mom that the dog isn't vominting blood, it's some sort of red colored food.
*Mom will state that the dog did not eat any red colored people food.
*Two year old will chime in "yes she did Mommy, I fed her my red jello this morning!"
*Mom will be totally embarassed, and vet will get such a laugh out of the situation that she won't charge for the visit.
And yes, just in case you are wondering, all red jello has been removed from the home and will never be purchased again.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee snow!! :) :)
Like our green pool with leaves? Husband just loves it when it rains/snows. :(
Bentley didn't get to play because he received three yellow dots in a row at school. :( :(
This is the sorriest snowman I've ever seen. lol :)
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
And in other news - I'm getting myself a light kit! I am so ready for some beautiful photos of my children - I'm just all giddy with excitement! I'm going to be setting up my own little "studio" & I can't wait! No, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out. Where there's a will, there's a way! :)
**The Endocrinologist phoned today & Mercedes' thyroid level is NORMAL! Unbelievable! At first the dr. suggested decreasing her medication, but then decided to leave well enough alone for now. We will take her back the end of March for lab work to check her level & at that time her medication will be adjusted. This is such great, great news because originally he told us her number should have came down, but it "wouldn't be normal" as of yet. Oh yes it is! I cried happy tears today! :) :)
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Aren't they just precious children? I can't believe they are mine. I'm actually dissatisfied with the photos & I don't think I'll be returning to the studio I've gone to forever. However, for now these will suffice & I just admire my children over & over & over. :)
Great news to report - I just got Mercedes' lab results back & her THI number has come DOWN! Yay! Happy mommy, happy mommy. Thank you for praying for our girl! :)