It's difficult to explain. Her journey is not like her siblings'. There is no piece of an adoption plan that is easy - but hers is sad. She was all alone.
But when I look in her face, I see hope. I see "Faith". And I see God's unwavering promise.
Unlike her siblings, her birthmother did not name her. The nurses called her "Dusty", remember? Her birthmother wanted her gone. Go away. Just get rid of her. Her birthmother didn't even care if or whom would take & raise her baby. She knows nothing about us.
Is it different w/ Mercedes because no one cared? Is it different because at birth she had to be resuscitated? Is it because her first of three apgars was -0-? Is it because she layed in that cold bassinet, alone, for 3 days before God performed yet another miracle & connected her & I on day 3? Is it because she went thru withdrawals with no one to help her? No one to comfort her? Is it because she had a feeding tube down her nose, & again, no one to comfort, snuggle, love & hold her? Why is it different? Because of all the above?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Her beginning was rough. Hard. Scary. But that's all over now. And I do know she is now exactly where she belongs.
She is loved. She is treasured. She is adored. She is amazing & a true, beautiful gift.
I love the way she still wants to be held. I love the way she longs for closeness. I love the way her tiny little hands grab on to my shirt when I toss her on my hip. I love the way her tiny little fists rub her eyes when she's tired. I love how when she is upset or angry she starts yelling "mamama!!" because she knows I'll yet again come to her rescue. I love the way, the second her daddy walks thru the door, she'll do everything in her power to get to him as fast as she can. Then she pulls up on his pantlegs until he reaches down to pick her up. And then she doesn't let him put her down for at least 20 minutes. I love how she grabs as many Puffs or Goldfish as she can & shoves them in her mouth, in hopes of one or two actually making it in. I love how she has a content moan when she eats. I love how her siblings can make her laugh harder than anyone else. I love her determination. She is a fighter. I love the ways she trusts. I love the way she needs me.
And as long as I can, as long as I am able, I will rescue her.
I hope & I pray that her birthmother has peace - she deserves to have peace. Her situation was bad & she 'got out' the only way she knew how. And that's ok. There is no right or wrong when an adoption plan is made. There is no blame. When the day comes, when she realizes exactly what she did & what happened, I'll be here for her too. And I welcome that day. Some day I hope to be able to tell her I love her & I thank her.
In the meantime, I'll take care of this one. And I will do it proudly.
Below is my Mercedes, showing me at 9 months old she knows exactly what to do when I pull out my camera. The wrinkled nose is new. ♥
I never knew how big my heart was until I was blessed with infertility. I never knew the depth of loving someone until four little people came into my life.
I am one of the richest, most blessed girls in the world. God gets all the glory.
5 comments:
That post brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful tribute to God, your children, and the 4 sets of birthparents that made this all possible. We are all blessed - and I am going to go hug all 4 of my kids and bow my head in Prayer to thank God for my 4 blessings.
Rebecca
Melissa....so much of your post reminded me of our little Lily. Your post made me cry, and stop and remember how blessed we truly are.
All of your children are simply beautiful.....they are no less than miracles from God.
We, too, think back to Lily's first part of her life in the hospital. The only ones there were the nurses. Her first Christmas was spent in a hospital. I hate that, but from now on, we will do all we can to make her feel loved and cherished.
You are such great parents.
Katie
Wow, I never knew that part of Caibry's story. She is a true little miracle to have come so far from where she was. You are a lucky mama and she is a lucky little girl :) Totally blessed!
First of all - she is SO DARN CUTE!!! I also didn't know her whole story, and it makes her even more special to know that she came through SO much! You guys are awesome parents!
What a great post!! I feel the same way about infertility. It is always a struggle, but it has also been a HUGE blessing. I mean, look what we have as a result. How could we complain?
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