Saturday, March 20, 2010


Deceit - noun - 1. deception 2. dishonesty

But does exaggeration fall under deceit? Does misleading? Does fabrication?

By now you all know how I feel about deceit. Frankly? I strongly dislike it. It's a cop out. In my opinion, someone who can't own up to the truth, and/or enjoys fabricating & misleading others, is a wimp. One of the greatest characteristics one can possess is honesty. The truth is powerful. To possess & live it is honorary.

Most recently we've discussed Jennifer McKinney. Nothing really further to say about her - she is full of fabrications & it'll be interesting to see what lie ahead for her. Her deceit has now involved a very well known Christian Organization, Compassion, who I believe is working hard to save their reputation. Jennifer is a grown woman & must own up to her mistakes. Unfortunately, you reap what you sow.

Part of our adoption journey involves signing with a "Christian" (I use that word loosely) Facilitator in hopes of locating our 2nd or 3rd baby. (I say "2nd or 3rd" because I don't have the dates handy - I can't remember if we were actually searching for our 3rd, a girl, or if we doubled up when we were already signed with Lifetime Adoptions, waiting to be matched with our 2nd.) Anyway, one day I was viewing some other waiting couples' adoption profiles & stumbled across a couple who lived relatively close to us, & coincidentally, her husband happened to be in the same field of work mine is. We struck up a friendship, only then to discover she was good friends with the sister-in-law of my good friend! What are the chances? We developed a friendship that lasted quite some time.

Her husband ended up getting laid off & they fell under financial difficulties, right at the same time they matched with a birthmother (I do believe this match was not with the organization we were both signed with). Once you match with a birthmother, attorneys need to get involved, paperwork needs to begin = funds need to be available. They asked for donations & held community fundraisers in order to meet the financial responsibility that comes with an adoption. Once their baby girl arrived, my friend really began to 'pour it on thick', so to speak. They needed clothing for the baby. They needed diapers. They needed necessary necessities (I ♥ forming double whammies). They needed formula. Etc. They happened to be members of a very large church congregation & I know they were blessed with help from other members.

At that particular time, our Jaguar was about 9 months old or so. I remember gathering everything I could find to give to them. I had a huge gift bag (like 3' x 3'), I pulled out all of Jaguar's too small items & began filling the bag. I filled that huge bag to the rim. Literally, I gave them hundreds & hundreds of dollars worth of baby girl clothing & necessities. Including brand new formula. We no longer needed the items & they did. I love to help others, so it was no big deal & I never gave it a second thought. I was just so happy they finally had received the baby girl they had longed & prayed for for so long. I was so happy I could help them.


Until weeks went by & I never received a thank you. Finally I did, via an email, & it was the most unappreciative, insincere thank you I've probably ever received. That was disappointing. Then she began sending photos of their family & the new baby. I looked a little closer at the first photo & noticed "S" had on sculpt nails. Hmm. My first thought was 'if they are tight on money, why is she paying to have her nails done?' In more photos, I noticed "S" was always dressed to the hilt. As was her husband, son, & new baby daughter. And those sculpt nails showed up in every stinkin' photo. It was at that time I realized I had been taken for a ride & had given away all of my baby girl's clothing to someone who probably didn't need them. That alone made me sad (& a little pissed). (Remember when Mercedes arrived unannounced & for a few months she didn't have any clothes? This is why! :) Pretty much, she never heard from me again & vice versa.

Recently I've discovered another similar situation. Only, I'm not 'friends' with this girl, I just found & fell in love with her blog & adopted children. I've invested nothing but time reading her site. No biggie.

In recent postings, she often blogged about how strapped they are for money. Her husband is in the Military, they have 3-4 biological children & 5 adopted from China. Granted, they are special needs children, so their fees were probably less expensive than traditional China adoptions, but there's been 5, nonetheless. Medical visits & procedures for the children I'm sure add up quickly. So they are strapped for money - completely understandable.

Then there was a post about not affording to do anything for Spring Break (I think it was Spring Break - I'm a relatively new reader of hers, so it could have been another holiday) - again - completely understandable. One day, they supposedly "dug through all the couch cushions" & scraped up enough money to treat the kids to McDonald's. But after that post, came the monogrammed pillow(s). And then the new baby dolls she had ordered the girls from Etsy. Precious dolls! After seeing them, I'm sure they were quite pricey. Ok, sweet treat for the girls. Then came a post about new crocs for the children. Adorable! But not your 'common' crocs. I'm sure she paid a tiny bundle for a few pair. And the whopper today? Her new shoes, her husband bought her, for her birthday! A whopping $130.

Now wait just one cotton pickin' minute. This is the kind of crap that just gets my goat. Typically, when I make the statement "we're a little strapped right now", it's because we are. You won't find me scouring the internet for new purchases (btw, I think this girl purchases most everything via the internet, which means there's a strong possibility of additional shipping charges) for myself or my children. Oh how I'd love to! But being tight on money is being tight on money & some things must, will & can wait until finances improve.

I don't understand why people do this. Is it for attention? Sympathy? Gift cards? Baha! I don't get it. What I do get is the fact that I refer to this type of behavior as deceit. It's dishonesty. How can someone be hurting for money, yet get their nails done every 2 weeks? Or turn around & purchase $130 shoes? They can't (or, they shouldn't?). If they can, then chances are, they ain't that broke. Her link has now been removed from my blog because that's just how I roll.

I don't comprehend how people live like that. I don't know why they choose to live like that. I don't claim to be the most perfect person ever, but I could never live like that. I don't lie. I don't steal. I don't cheat. I don't fabricate. I don't exaggerate. I don't mislead. However, I am very dramatic though, so that part you'll just have to live with. Baha! Ü

I guess some things (and/or people) we'll just never understand.


Kriss said...

That would upset me too. I have an ex friend that built this huge house to turn around and sell. It was way out of their means but they built it for alot less than it was worth (because her husband works for a builder). Well, she couldn't stand the thought of not getting to live in it and so they moved in instead of selling to make the profit they had intended. Then the market really took a hit and then they had to either sell with a loss or let it go. All I heard the entire time was how maxed out the credit cards were, how they might lose the house, etc. YET, she went to Sonic FIVE times a day, yes she drank that much soda. She also wore fake nails and got pedicures every two weeks. She booked a cruise and a scrapbooking trip with her Twins club. As well as it was her anniversary and her husband bought her a diamond ring. She ended up exchanging that ring twice (I was with her each time) and each time she got a more expensive one. I didn't know what to make of it because everytime we talked they were on the brink of lossing everything. The reason we aren't friends though anymore is she was the biggest Debbie Downer EVER. Ups and downs are one thing but on constant unhappy didn't work for me. I would come home exausted and depressed after hanging out with her :) -kriss

audrey said...

Unfortunately many many people live outside their budget. Do you watch Housewives of Orange County? Lynn, one of the mothers was evicted with her 2 children and husband but still went away for the weekend and bought a leather jacket that cost over a grand!! Some just don't get it. I am like you Melissa, I roll staight out, never cheat, lie or steal and am dramatic too!! I have another pet peeve, a big one. People setting up a charity to make it look like they are trying to do good but the product that charity is "donating" is theirs and they are the ones on the "board" keeping 18% of monies donated!! Melissa your kids are gorgeous. I have two boys, 19 & 22 and helped raise some of my nephews so really had anywhere from 2 to 9 kids at one time! I had Breast Cancer when mine were 4 & 7yrs old and created this great way for them to always be with me and to help me raise money for great causes. Let me know what you think. Check it out at If you are military there is a REAL charity that will donate to deployed families FREE. Contact OPERATION GIVE A HUG at 1-253-691-9391-Susan Just remember it is her problem and it will come back to bite her. You did good and that will always come back to you.

Melissa said...

Kriss - we know so many people who live beyond their means. They keep on spending & charging, all the while complaining & sinking into depression. I don't get it - but I also don't 'hang' with people like that. Blah.

Sonic five times a day? LOL

I have an ex-friend who was in a horrible marriage. Every time we were together, it was the entire discussion. Gripe, moan, complain, wah, wah, wah. Finally I couldn't take it anymore & ended the friendship. That friendship was no fun! There were many other factors as well, but that's the jist. After that, 2 of her very young children passed away & I felt so bad for her, but I just couldn't start the friendship back up. Since then I hear her & her abusive husband divorced. I hope so.

audrey - so nice to meet you! I will try to email you. :)