I did so good for a while & it's all gone by the wayside. The bottom line is I just don't eat enough food. Sounds crazy, I know. Why in the world cannot I not just eat breakfast? I am not a breakfast eater (unless weekend or vacation). I cannot. I have never been a breakfast eater. Diabetes is confirmed @ 6.5. I'm at a 6.1. I had a long, thorough conversation w/ my dr.'s nurse a few months ago. I was on board. I can do this. She laid out a plan, gave me websites & it was a go. And it went. And then I got out of the habit.
And now, with the exception of a pathetic 4 lbs. lost, I'm back to square one. No breakfast. No snacks. My first meal @ 1:00 or 2:00 p.m. Maybe dinner, maybe not. Maybe cereal in the middle of the night because I'm starving.
I don't need help with anything. Ever. Ever. Never. Ever. But this, as stupid as it sounds, man I just can't do it. And it's eating. It's 8:30 p.m. & I've had one meal today. I just looked at my husband & told him flat out "I just can't do this eating routine. I need help." Oh dear gawd. Seriously, Melissa? Hubby just ran to MckDonald's & picked me up a cheeseburger & fries because it's late & I'm tired & bordering a cold. There a silver lining, however. A sliver of silver (I'm so clever). I am doing pretty good avoiding whites. Pasta, white bread (which I rarely ate anyway), rice (which is killing me because I love rice), potatoes (except for fries, right now) & I'm even avoiding sweets. That said, diet cokes are back in full force. And that alone makes me angry. Most of you know I attempted to switch to black tea. I love sweet tea. I currently have every artificial sweetener made in my pantry. And I have Stevia. Packets & liquid. But the tea isn't working. And I'm not willing to continue to battle Candida just because of tea. So I kicked it to the curb. Green tea, which I've read does not interfere with Candida, I'm still experimenting with. (I developed Candida about 15 years ago, when my dr. (at the time) gave me antibiotic after antibiotic after antibiotic (4, I believe, different ones, in a row) to try to rid an ear infection. Once you have Candida, it's near impossible to rid. Little did I know, black tea & artificial sweeteners (exception: Stevia) kicked my dormant Candida right back into high gear.) I do wonder if this over abundance of sugar running amok due to Candida has any bearing on my near-diabetes? I don't know.
I don't even know why I'm typing all this. I know I'm frustrated, for sure. Maybe typing it out here will help me kick a plan back into action. I know tomorrow is a new day. I know I want to be fit, in shape & healthy. I know I don't want diabetes. I know I'm on the fast track to having it.
So here I go. Wednesday. I certainly am no wimp & I can do this, as dumb as it sounds. Starting tomorrow, with breakfast. Thank God for tomorrows.